MzMaryJane

Who I Be
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2010-06-09 03:33:21 (UTC)

I Thought I knew

I thought I knew what I was getting into when I started
dating him. I thought this is it! He's the one! Now I
wasn't a virgin in the sense that I had never had sex, but
I was in the sense that I had never had a boyfriend. So
when I say I thought he was the one, he was supposed to be
the one that I blew off all other boys for. After seeing
everyone of my grlfriends through out highschool date jerks
and loose themselves in relationships that blew up and back
fire on them, I thinking i was smart by avoiding
relationshps then, wating, hoping, (like an idiot), for the
one.

I should have known right from the start. We met in rehab
for fuck sakes. I was there for cocain and extacy use, he
was there for drinking. I was 19 years old, he was 22. I
was unemployed and still in highschool and he was (and
still is) in the military.

After three years, one son, countless fights and make ups.
Here i am sitting in our living room while he's off
burrying a fellow soldier whose life was taken in
Afghanistan. Our son ( Jacob, 2 yro ) is sleeping upstairs,
and as much as I feel like this is wrong and I want out. I
still miss him. I still wish he was here.

I thought I knew what lonely was when he was sitting right
next too me and he felt like he was miles away, I was wrong
because now I feel even more alone........


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