Quavers

ThoughtsToBeShared
2010-06-07 23:07:09 (UTC)

...Cant get over, & I dont know why.

Its been a while since my last entry, a few things have
changed since.

I am no longer with the boyfriend in my last entry, but i
new guy (with exactly the same name!)
Hes very cute, sweet, kind and when we first started
meeting up seemingly a near enough perfect remendie for
me.
He has mood swings, like minor go in a mood sort of thing
and i now feel that maybe i care a lot more for him then
he does to for me.
I know i havent known him very long, but i can feel myself
becoming more and more attracted to him and missing him
when hes not around.
I dont see him as much as i want to, and that can mean
being impatient and getting annoyed.
Its hard to balance out our differences in the beginning
because he belives in things i dont and vice versa.
I get these issues from mum of course. My dad had an
affair on my mum for a year, and they were togther 20
years. Its hard to put trust in someone, and even harder
to put it into a few more.
I somtimes feel i am losing somthing i dont entirely have.

I felt like my life had started moving again, that i was
becoming happier with the people and surrounding in my
life. I think of the world so negativly that its so hard
to see the good in it. These days things have become so
complicated.
Like take a relationship. In some you have to first 'see
somone' then maybs date a while longer even then maybe
have a relationship, then have a public one. This isent
the case for all.
Its such a silly place, the world we live in.

I have one major regret in my life, which i think about
almost everyday. Few of you will be wondering why, of all
things why this? Its because its somthing that i most wish
i could change because of him meaning so much.

To Dave,
You were my first love. We got togteher end of high school
and were together for over two years. We broke up on bad
terms and we dont speak anymore and thats the biggest
shame. You seemingly hate me now and that hurts even more.
I know youve moved on and i have too, but if i could take
anything back in thsi world it wuold be to relive me and
you, and be the better and most wonderful girlfriend to
you. I wish i could have done more for you and be the
person you wanted me to be.




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