Hailey

The Cutting Diary
2010-06-01 22:31:20 (UTC)

Mother May I

June 1st, 2010 5:21 PM

My mother, whether she knows it or not, is a very
destructive person.

She has this magical ability to make total strangers hate
themselves with one of her first class "you're an idiot"
looks and a few cutting words. I have witnessed it many
times. I watch as the person's face falls, and their eyes
temporarily lose light.

If it does that to a complete stranger, think of what
effect she has on her daughter.

She makes you second guess yourself, you don't know where
you stand with her. She makes up stories to fit her
description of what happened (so she never does any
wrong), and if you tell her 'that's not what happened at
all' she gets greatly offended. She makes you feel stupid,
no wonder Joe left her...

Shhhhhh, don't tell her I said that. Secrets are only fun
if you don't get decapitated for them.

Ah Joe, him leaving and the devastation he caused on our
family being the entire reason I started to cut.

My step-mother knows she is destructive, but does nothing
to change her ways.

Her irrationality makes you want to scream. You have to
walk on eggshells when around her, making life much more
difficult.

Her fits make me want to scream and cry. But I can't do
that, so I cut instead.

Tradition dictates that these women, my mother figures, be
who I look up to as to how to be a mother figure myself.

If I end up being like them, I will drown inside of
myself, and never want to come up for air.




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