Hailey

The Cutting Diary
2010-05-28 23:55:42 (UTC)

The Email

May 28th 2010. 6:51 PM

I have been meaning to copy the email over to here
forever, but I haven't (obviously).

However, due to the most recent events, I might as well do
it now.

Originally typed on: May 18, 2010 4:29 PM

To start off...make sure no one is around please...

*looks left*

*looks right*

*looks behind*


Are we clear?







You sure?




Positive???




Okay then...



So lets say, hypothetically of course...that I've
been....oh whats the word...cutting again....

And lets say this has I have hypothetically been doing it
off and on, here and there, again for months now...

Like, since December of this year...hypothetically of
course

And then lets say that when I told you that my favorite
rainbow stripey socks are now stained with blood because
of a cut on my leg that may of come from scratching it on
a wall, tripping on a table, an animal, or maybe I did it
myself...that the last reason was the actual reason. And
that the reason my socks got stained was because I made
the cut, threw on my socks because I had somewhere to be
and didn't have time to stop the bleeding, and met you at
Cici's 30 minutes later. Hypothetically.

Also, that if you were to look for the hypothetical scars
on my writs, thighs, or shoulders (for I have gotten more
creative), you would only find faint lines,except from the
more recent hypothetical cuts, because I have gotten
better at it this.

And these hypothetical statements are being said, even
though I don't want to say anything at all, because I am
sitting here feeling the words bubbling inside of my
throat and forcing their way out with no way of stopping
them.

Which, honestly, scares me a bit. But ya know, que serra
serra. It is only hypothetical...


maybe


I know you would want to know why i have hypothetically
started cutting again. And the only answer I can give you
is that there are too many reasons, and if I were to sit
down and really type them all out I'd be here for hours.

There isn't really much YOU can do to help me with my
hypothetical problem. No magic words will make it better.
I just HAD to say it to somebody. And since you are the
only one who had know about this in my past, it only seems
fit that you know about this in this hypothetical present.

Lucky you

I'm sorry. I know this isn't exactly fun news to
receive. And I know you want to do SOMETHING. And maybe
you just don't know what. But there isn't really anything.
I just have to get over it myself...one way or another...

I'm sorry for making you worry

And I'm sorry, because this sucks so bad.

I love you




Ad: