AbortedAddict

Aborted Addict
2010-05-27 14:42:02 (UTC)

Lonely

My first entry well this is my anonomous space to write
about myself my feelings and whatever elsso comes to mind.
I apologize now for any misspelled words but will try and
spell them phoneticaly. I;m 27 years old African american
primarily. I have no kids though I have had 1 miscarriage
in 2004 that still torments me and I think I may be
pregant now but I doubt it. I live with my bf for this I
will call him Pill. I titled this lonely because I feel
that way. I met him back in April 2008 off a local chat
line I talked to him one time then I left for Atlanta for
week where I slept with someone I will call Ice. When I
came back we began talking. I was not looking for a bf
though I wanted one I was going to settle for just sex for
the rest of my life with men. We met face to face at a
local mall for 15 mins the mall was closing. I had stood
him up previous just as filler info.

Later that night I called him and askd if he liked what he
saw I am 5'9 dark skinned shoulder length dark brown hair
and dark brown eyes and weigh approx 320-330 now. He said
yes and I told him don't lie if you dont want to keep
talking to me and if nothing more be friends let me know
so time wont be waisted. He said he waned to get to know
me. We began talking Well a month and hanging out a few
times went by I was ready for se if that was not good it
was a done deal. Finally I came over and we attempted to
have sex. I wanted it but I was also nervous. he began
kissing and touching but his penis would get hard then
soft and repeat that cycle so finally we had insertion but
it kept happening hard soft hard soft so on. then he was
all olver the place I thought it was his first time but it
wasn't. So he orgasms I don;t I fake it and leave. I was
ready to end it then but I chalked it up to being our
first time together and us not knowing each other very
well.

Fast forward to today. We live together sex is good at
times but now we argue alot about stupid stuff we don't go
out on dates at all. He has met my friends but I have
never met his friends though I have met his mother. He
tells me he loves me and misses me but I don't know how
true that is. I used to think he was cheating on me with 2
women in a different location than where we live Only
because a text message saying I love you and can't be with
out you you are the best girlfriend and they replying love
you too etc. so yes I have cheated on him with 4 guys and
I feel bed but then again I don't. But despite that I
still feel alone and unloved like I want to be loved I wil
have to finish this later


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