Billabonic

Life Among The Selected Few
2010-05-23 21:14:37 (UTC)

Gimme That Old Time Religion


In her radio show, Dr Laura Schlesinger said that, as an
observant Orthodox Jew, homosexuality is an abomination
according to Leviticus 18:22, and cannot be condoned under
any circumstance. The following response is an open
letter to Dr. Laura, penned by a US resident, which was
posted on the Internet. It's funny, as well as
informative:

Dear Dr. Laura:


Thank you for doing so much to educate people regarding
God's Law. I have learned a great deal from your show,
and try to share that knowledge with as many people as I
can. When someone tries to defend the homosexual
lifestyle, for example, I simply remind them that
Leviticus 18:22 clearly states it to be an abomination ...
End of debate.


I do need some advice from you, however, regarding some
other elements of God's Laws and how to follow them.


1. Leviticus 25:44 states that I may possess slaves,
both male and female, provided they are purchased from
neighboring nations. A friend of mine claims that this
applies to Mexicans, but not Canadians. Can you clarify?
Why can't I own Canadians?

2. I would like to sell my daughter into slavery, as
sanctioned in Exodus 21:7. In this day and age, what do
you think would be a fair price for her?

3. I know that I am allowed no contact with a woman while
she is in her period of Menstrual uncleanliness - Lev.15:
19-24. The problem is how do I tell? I have tried
asking, but most women take offense.

4. When I burn a bull on the altar as a sacrifice, I know
it creates a pleasing odor for the Lord - Lev.1:9. The
problem is my neighbors. They claim the odor is not
pleasing to them. Should I smite them?

5. I have a neighbor who insists on working on the
Sabbath. Exodus 35:2 clearly states he should be put to
death. Am I morally obligated to kill him myself, or
should I ask the police to do it?

6. A friend of mine feels that even though eating
shellfish is an abomination, Lev. 11:10, it is a lesser
abomination than homosexuality. I don't agree. Can you
settle this? Are there 'degrees' of abomination?

7. Lev. 21:20 states that I may not approach the altar of
God if I have a defect in my sight. I have to admit that
I wear reading glasses. Does my vision have to be 20/20,
or is there some wiggle-room here?

8. Most of my male friends get their hair trimmed,
including the hair around their temples, even though this
is expressly forbidden by Lev. 19:27. How should they
die?

9. I know from Lev. 11:6-8 that touching the skin of a
dead pig makes me unclean, but may I still play football
if I wear gloves?

10. My uncle has a farm. He violates Lev.19:19 by
planting two different crops in the same field, as does
his wife by wearing garments made of two different kinds
of thread (cotton/polyester blend). He also tends to
curse and blaspheme a lot. Is it really necessary that we
go to all the trouble of getting the whole town together
to stone them? Lev.24:10-16. Couldn't we just burn them
to death at a private family affair, like we do with
people who sleep with their in-laws? (Lev. 20:14)

I know you have studied these things extensively and thus
enjoy considerable expertise in such matters, so I'm
confident you can help.

Thank you again for reminding us that God's word is
eternal and unchanging.

Your adoring fan.

James M. Kauffman, Ed.D. Professor Emeritus, Dept. Of
Curriculum, Instruction, and Special Education University
of Virginia.

(It would be a damn shame if we couldn't own
a Canadian :)




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