awog2

Jess's thoughts
2010-05-18 14:24:03 (UTC)

bloody tears....

so after 30 days of sobriety i cut yesterday. ended up going
to the park and crying like crazy as i cut my arms. 5 years
ago this started and doesn't seem to be stopping anytime
soon. i am 17 and this addiction has a major grip on my
life. yes part of me doesn't want to stop.. doesn't want to
step outside of what i know. but an even bigger part of me
is so sick of this. the only thing is that i know i dont
deserve to be happy and i deserve every scar on my body...
it hurts knowing that i am pathetic, ugly, worthless and
that i have no future. it doesn't seem that i have any way
to change my situation. i am stuck in this cycle of
depression and anger. its only a matter of time until i try
to kill myself again.. and maybe with a little more success
this time. i hate myself so much and i can't stand my life.
i hate that i sound like i am whining but really i dont
think anyone could possibly understand. i see blood run down
my arms all the time.. and to me they just look like little
tear drops. the pain inside me escapes through my bloody
tears. i dont know.. talkto you later bye




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