A daily confession
The memories of after my mothers departure are mostly
terrifyingly clear and present.
My father turned into a either crying or angry mess and
mostly my brother and I were on the recieving end of that.
he had no patience for us. And his personality showed in
all its uglyness.
One afternoon shortly after mom left he silently drove
with us somewhere in the city. He stopped in fron of a
modern appartment block and rang a doorbell. A man came to
open the door we stepped into the corridor of the modern
building and I remember it was very dark inside. As my
brother and I were well brought up we extended our hands
to greet the man but my father stopped us and said: 'Don't
touch him!!! Don't dirty your hands!! Look at the man
well, he is the person who destroyed our family!' I
remember the shocked face of the man and his plea to
please step inside is flat and talk there. But my father
just said that he only came here so that his children know
the face of the evil person who takes our mother away.
I wanted to die in that moment. I just stood there and was
ashamed of the whole scene. My father took us by the hand
and dragged us out. I looked back and I saw the man
standing there looking sad. Noone said a word driving back
Mostly my father was cold and angry. After my mother left
he made us sit on the kitchen table one afternoon and
explained to us that we will have to do the work our
mother did before. That we would have to be home on time
to help cooking and that we also have to wash the dishes
and clean the house. This may sound reasonable but my
brother and I were only 7 and 9 years old. i had no idea
how this talk on the kitchentable would change my life. My
childhood was over from that moment on.