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2010-05-07 04:50:18 (UTC)

ok its time to try and blog this serious side of my life

i took off and burnt dust took it out on the car and
skidded off the black side into the dessert sand
and got out and screamed and fell on my knees
i dont ever want to feel that low again
now i am starting to focus on this illness
i found it was no point in live a lie and admitted to ann
and ma its far more serious that i let them belive
ok i know it was stupid but i wanted to belive it
well i started the long treatment and already feel like
i am determined to stay working as long as poss and i hope
to work through but i am country and dont live the city
i have now really focused and in my mind accepted this is
one fight i may lose
my fate is not my decision
i talked to god on the way to find out
my fate
i put my case and now its in his hands
i told him all my life i tried to do good by him and what
ever he done decide om i will accept
and i want to thank all my special friends and more for
there support
all i can do is pray and focus on fighting this

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