sOops

sOops
2010-05-04 00:05:03 (UTC)

And To Think Things Couldnt Get any Worse.....

Well I have been dreading this day for a few weeks now, Its
the day my Ex went to the family planning center for
counseling about having an abortion to my child...
I didn't know what time her appointment was, and I hadn't
heard from her.. so at lunch time i sent her a message
saying "I hope everything is ok ..."
I didn't want her to have an Abortion.

Like usual she didn't disappoint me, I didn't get a reply.
I left for work at 2:30 pm and heard nothing all day, I get
home from work and there was an offline message on my MSN
from her at 2:45 saying (oh well i went to the planning
place today and the procedure is tomorrow morning first
thing... so thats all i have to say)

There was no communication, she could have tried to sms me
or call me... I tried to call her as soon as i got home not
caring if i wake her up, I got no answer...
I left her an offline message asking her to call me as soon
as she wakes up, Once again I get nothing... But If the
procedure is this morning its too late for me to say or do
anything. Now I'm left with more questions and more hate
towards her.

Then I start feeling guilty because I am hurting more than I
ever have in my life, Then I think about how she must be
feeling and what she must be going through and it just
crushes me...

I don't know if I should Hate her, feel sorry for her.. I
don't know how I should feel, I just feel completely lost..

I can understand this is harder for her then it is for me,
well I god damn hope she finds this at least a little hard.

I was starting to warm to the idea we could have this child
together, and still be best friends... But now I don't even
know if I will be able to look at her again, let alone be a
friend.

I'M JUST SO LOST.....




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