Kenophobia

Kenophobia
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2010-05-01 23:22:38 (UTC)

I'm tired.

Im tired of my existance
it seems im only here to hurt.
I feel like no one cares.
Im tired of knowing that nobodys there.
You said you love me.
but where did you go?
i wasnt good enough.
did i not make you proud?
and so you left,
you found someone new and made someone new.
she gets to have you...
im growing to hate her.
its not nothing new.
i miss you,
i need you.
it seems you dont care.
throwing money at me
does mean youre there.
although i appreciate it,
its never enough.
money cant make up
the hole in my heart.
My life is screwed
headed for doom.
i push away others
with no intention to.
I hate who i am,
I hate what I do.
But thats not a problem because
clearly you do too.
I need you
I miss you.
I wish you were here.
I wouldnt have to deal
with this alone.
He wouldnt be here,
calling me names,
saying things i dont deserve.
Ive done nothing wrong,
yet he treats me like dirt.
Im tired of crying,
over the same damn thing.
16 years of my life youve been gone.
Ive hoped and hoped that your lies would come true.
that i could live with you.
that you would take me away
from the horrors i face.
Everything's changed,
im a whole new me.
things have gotten worse.
shes not getting any better.
Im tired dont you see...
I want to runaway,
but where, when, and how?
I wish your lies
hadnt been lies...
I wish theyd been kept promises...
like you said they would...
I believed them.
I gripped them
and I dreamed about them.
When you do that to a child
and they take it back,
theyre never the same.
Im tired.
I want to grow old and
forget all about it.
but itll stick with me forever
i really dont doubt it.
Theres lots wrong with me
I admit.
But seeing him makes me sick.
i call you and tell,
but you still really dont care.
When he abuses me,
It makes me think,
if you were here...
this wouldnt be happening...
if only you cared.
so parents learn this,
from other's mistakes...
if you want a normal child
stay married for their sake.
dont remarry twice.
dont pick someone bad.
youll never know what theyre like
and youll never understand...
but i do.
I do...
and Im tired.


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