Nick's Journal
2010-04-25 21:14:09 (UTC)

Sometimes no matter how hard you try...

i subscribe to the theory that human beings, on a whole are
generally wicked, blood-thirsty savages who have no other
goal in mind than their own happiness. now, of course this
doesn't mean that there aren't a million people who will do
a million great things, but on a whole, by our nature, we
are petty, vengeful fanatics. we are fanatical for our own
end. and, to be honest, that's just fine and dandy because
in a lot of instances that is how we survive.

so you can imagine, with that as a background to my view on
humanity in general, the incredulity with which i received
one of my latest clients. it was a quite elderly man and a
young guy. they came to me in order to draw up a will and
power of attorney. under my due diligence i had to make
sure that the guy for whom the papers were drawn up (the
older man of course) was in fact acting under his own
volition and not duress or undue influence.
so i asked the young man to step out and spoke with the guy
for a while. he was perfectly lucid and of sound, disposing
mind to create a will. i counseled him about all that this
meant, what he was doing and whether he wanted to do it. he
did. so i went ahead and throughout the next couple of
weeks (being the accomodating attorney that i am) i would go
to HIS house in order to finish up a few things here and there.

and each time, even when i arrived unbeknownst to the
younger gentleman, that young dude (i should stop saying
that as he is at least 10 yrs older than i am) was in the
older man's house helping him out with this and that. there
was no kin relationship. in fact...the older man had no
family at all. all he had was this one guy who would help
him out. and after a while i started to turn the glaring
spotlight on myself.

i absolutely could not fathom that this guy would want the
company of this older man. he was quite tedious (almost
completely deaf) could barely walk, and just in general was
a bit hard to put up with. but at every lament the guy
through out the younger guy would smile and wryfully shake
his head to me as if the two of us were now sharing in the
joy that was this old man's curmudgeon attitude.
the fact was, the younger guy really liked the older guy and
felt it his duty to help him out.

i don't know if i could ever do that. i don't know if i
ahve that giving attitude in me. i make donations here and
there, but this is almost close to a 24 hr bed nurse. the
guy had a job that he attended to as well, but in (most) of
his free time he would help out his old friend. not get
drunk. not hang out with people his own age. but help this

i tried myself. juliann and i adopted a second pit bull.
it didn't work out. on friday we gleefully brought her home
to our dog. the two absolutely did not get along. what's
more, the second dog (a female) was a pure pitbull. and now
i know what people mean by that "ability to snap." you
see, my dog is PART pit. he is not full blooded so i'd
never trully seen that side of the breed.

this dog had it though and five seconds into playing she
would lose it and try to kill my dog. it was horrible. i
felt horrible. so we had to lock her in our bathroom until
the next day when we could return her.
and as i took a shower watching her blissfully curled up on
her blanket with her brand new toy next to her with a paw
slightly curled around it snoring the night away, i couldn't
help but start to cry.

it's been a long, long time since i've cried. i figured the
shower was as good as any place. i cried and cried because i
tried to do good and it just didn't work. there was nothing
i wanted less than to return her. but i had no option. and
then my sadness turned into anger. why couldn't more people
be like that young guy? why couldn't some people just get
off their fucking asses and adopt a dog.

shit it's a lot of work. yeah it sucks, but you are saving
a life. or adopt a child. or help someone old. this dog
just needed a bit of training and to be the only dog in a
household. she would be the best pet ever. instead people
won't give her the benefit of the doubt. the scary pit bull
will suffer.

and as i stood in the shower letting the hot shower wash the
tears from my eyes i just leaned my head against the cold
tile. i was the type of person i was mad at. i couldn't
see myself helping an elderly man purely for the sake of
helping him just a day ago. and here i was chiding the
masses for their unwillingness to undertake what i thought
was important.

somtimes, it just doesn't work out the way it should.