littlegirllost

emotional wreck
2010-04-25 04:41:28 (UTC)

I never thought it'd be me.....

For as long as I can remember I've always been insecure,
sure I'm on the "chunky" side, but generally I hang around
much worst...
Here goes, it hurts when I don't have anyone to talk to
and have to resort to an online diary just to keep myself in
some frame of stable mind. I wish I knew how to open up
about emotional things, it's just not possible for me..so
you, dear public of strangers are now going to dig into my
soul. I can let strangers know, after all..my friends can't
find me here, and if they do..call I may need you.
She's here again, the woman I was left for, the one that
has a child(something he never wanted), the one who's
environmentally friendly (a thing he doesn't give a rats ass
about), the one who makes him eat healthy and makes him have
small talk...polar opposite of me..she's even white...the
blond hair, light eyes, creme color skin..complete opposite
of my Filipino/Mexican background.. she was my best friend,
"I should get over it, it's been 6 months". I dated him
for over four years..He's still my life, I don't know how
I'm gonna make it without him, We still even live together,
but every month she's down at least twice..with her spawn
of satan to do things he'd never do with me because "he
never really loved me anyways".
How I can still sleep with him I don't know, how I can
still care as deeply as I do, kills me..I've tried, many
times I've tried to stop, distract myself, find someone
else..I get interested and he talks me out of it.. how can
it happen so often? why does it feel like I want to rip out
my heart and tear it to shreds and never give it to anyone
again..the pieces are already too thin to be salvageable.

I'm the other woman and it kills me




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