Mary Jane

The Yelllow Submarine
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2010-04-25 02:43:42 (UTC)

So the real reason

Yep, the real reason that I justify cheating on my husband.
Man it feels awful to write that, and its not like I am
going and seeking out mutiple people to cheat with, I just
find some sort of comfort in Thomas.

Anyways for the millionth time the husband starts the
argument of me being a slut. He doesn;t say slut, but he
said something worse!! He said something about me being
slutty because I have been with ten guys. Which by the way
is not even true!!! Really there are eight and two of them
were one night stands that were stupid, and happened
forever ago!!!!! I never told him that, because look at
what a psycho he is. I mean 8 is not a really low number
but for being almost 29, and losing my virginity at 17, I
don't think that its that bad. Anyways this number thing is
bullshit, he married me, and I have been with him longer
than anyone, and he seems to not beleive that, it is this
fight, that he is so nasty to me during, that has been
reacurring since we got married that has driven me away
from him. Everytime he says mean and hateful things to me,
and treats me like shit, a little more of my love and a
WHOLE lot of my sexual desire for him dies. I don't see it
coming back. I do love him, but love is not enough. Really
this problem with me having exs, of whom I don't really
talk to (ok except one, and he doesn;t know, and its never
gonna happen again, the relationship I mean)is so fucking
stupid!!!!!!! I can't help that he does not have a lot past
relationships, and I don't care if he did!!!! He even
breifly dated one of my friends in the past and do I care?
NO, but does he like to bring up the sexual stuff they did?
YES!! So immature. I don't care about that shit. But after
months of this constant unhappiness and this same fight,
yes I have cheated, it sucks, it does not solve anything,
thats for sure, but it made me feel better at the time. I
have never felt that my self esteem was so low. It is his
constant mean comments, and this stupid fight that does not
end!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! This is his
problem. Not mine. Im going to tell him, to move out. Whats
the point? He even said tonight that he thinks we got
married too soon! He even said not that long ago that he
hated our whole wedding. Fuck him man. Fuck him! I tried to
leave him a few weeks ago, and he would not have it. WHy??
Does he just need someone to abuse? I feel this breakup
coming, it sucks so bad, I just need to be prepared. Good
luck to him finding this pure little innocent girl to get
with, maybe he will forgive her for her indiscretions.

Its not like he has not known me for 15 years, its not like
we got married, and then the cat was out of the bag. Fuck

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