Mary Jane

The Yelllow Submarine
2010-04-21 02:19:24 (UTC)

4/20

My third session with the trainer, wow I hurt. I am glad
that I am doing it, its good, and it feels good to work
towards something, not that you could tell.. I mean its way
too early anyways, but I am determined. not to be this
chunky damn.

Anyways Thomas and I have not really talked or hung out,
since sometime last week, I need to look that up, because
it seems like forever. I decided after the last time I
needed some space, and maybe he thinks that too, I dunno,
cause he has not called untill yesterday and when he did he
said he would call me later, and then he didn't even after
I texted. Ok, this sounds really lame. Anyways it makes me
feel like he is hiding something, or seeing someone. I
know, not like it matters, I just hate feeling like he is
hiding something. Yes I did drive by his house today to see
if he was home and his car was not there so I figured he
was at work, when I finally did talk to him today, he said
that he didn't work today, and I know he does not get up
early on his day off, therefore he probably spent the night
with some girl. Which is fine, really I want him to be
happy and our relationship is defenitly going no where, at
least as of now. It always seems like the wrong time for
us.. everytime...like when we lived together like sixish
years ago, we never had sex, or even hooked up. I wasn't
trying for it to be like that then, and I had just gotton
out of a shitty relationship, but he did used to come sleep
in my bed and we would cuddle and stuff, and now that I
think about it, he probably really did feel like he wanted
me then. I just was too involved with a stupid rebound
loser dude to that I was using to get over shitty
relationship dude (timothy) Its like all this is just
dawning on me.. I dunno we have always been best friends
and I now the line has been way crossed, like way past the
opps, we are best friends but we accidently fucked that one
time. DAMNITT!

Anyways the whole point was that he said he was not being
weird, when I asked him what was up, just that he needed
some alone time. Yeah right, I know that boy way too well,
I mean I know he does like to be alone, but he's up to
something. I guess I am always just really distrustful
since my first love always lied to me, it has really fucked
me up, and since I have always had so many guy friends I
know how big of liars that they are, so in turn
subconciously I am trying to get them first?? I mean thats
stupid, or maybe I just don't want anyone that close
because I have been betrayed so many times, now I can't
stop betraying?

People are people no one is perfect, and I the more I think
about it I think that everyone is the same, some are just
better at playing it off than others, there are some
exceptions of course, but really..




Ad: