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2010-04-19 00:33:34 (UTC)

The never-ending why?

So this is my first and possibly last entry into my diary.
theres alot of stuff that we all wish for... and for what??
what good is a brand new motorbike or a luxurious house to
us when none of that stuff can make us truly happy. dont
get me wrong, im obsesed with material objects too, im not
saying im better than everyone else, im saying im part of
it.

part of the disease/infection we call mankind. we are the
most beautiful thing in existence, and our only threat is
each other, because of these worldy things, these
possesions will always inevitably possess us in some way
shape or form. ive witnessed it myself.

last night (and the long duration of this morning up untill
12.00pm) i was dreaming that alot of my friends were
commiting suicide, and i had no idea why or what to do, but
in my dream it was clear that they werent happy here, when
the world becomes to much, is it okay for us to show our
true colours?? is it okay to give up and say "hey, the
world got me, for once."??

of all the pain and hurt we leave behind after we commit
such acts... its not okay. all you do is spread your sense
of self doubt and self worthlessness onto others because
they in turn feel as though your leaving was their fault,
and that they shouldve saved you, shouldve seen it coming
and tried to intervene, whatever, it was your fault all
along and you knew it... and not one day will go by where
the breaking hearts of those people shouldnt rest on your
conscience. but it wont

for what is consciousness without existence???
thats like an ocean with no perpetual movement??
like an eagle without talons
a dog without teeth
a fly without wings
a worm with no soil
a corpse with no soul




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