Crazy Boy

A Billion Little Pieces
2010-04-18 17:09:00 (UTC)

Fear, Anger, Self pity, Anxiety ,Depresssion, The battle begins!

Well here we go. I hope that I will be able to keep up
with this on line diary on a regular basis. I called the
diary a Billion little pieces.A guy wrote a book called a
million little pieces that was about his intense drug
taking and lifestyle. He ended up on Oprah telling his
story and then was found out to be a fraud. The book was a
hoax. My diary is not a hoax in anyway. I hope to give a
true account of my life as it unfolds and hopefully it
will not only provide an outlet for my feelings and
thoughts but will also possibly even help some who read it
and gain and grow from what I learn here. I hope to learn
and experience things through reading books and speaking
to others and reading of thier experiences.

My life has been a rollercoaster of events and emotions. I
have had a rich and truly blessed life in many ways. I am
now in my darkest hour. I have lost pretty much everything
I have ever had. I have no friends really. I have lost all
else of what I own. I had a cottage and boats and a car
and truck etc etc etc. I had a good job with good pay and
benifits and a managers position. It's all gone. My
finacial situation could not be worse! I owe I owe I owe!
I am soooooo filled with grief and anxiety at times I can
hardly breath. I feel like such a huge failure. The fact
is I am a huge huge failure. I was givin every opportunity
to get ahead and succeed and I have blown it. A complete
loser. Why why why? Dear God help me to be able to correct
this huge mess I have made in life. I so need the strength
to carry on.