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2010-04-18 04:43:05 (UTC)

Thoughts of my daddy..April 17th, 2010

I really miss my daddy. I havnt talked to him for about a
month. I havent visited everyother weekend like im
supposed to for about 4 months since my 14th birthday. I
wish i felt different on seeing him. I really want to see
him, but i dont, because i dont like seeing his wife. i
dont get a long with her at all. We havnt for quite some
time. Shes just not that great to get along with. I wont
see my dad until he takes my advise. Shes not the right
one for him. My aunts and uncles and cousins and mom and
brothers think the same thing. No one likes her and she
always is on my dads hip at family functions and no one
really wants her there. I feel like my dad has pushed me
and my brothers away. His wife always comes first and
thats not right...not at all. And thats why i dont want to
see him. I am at the point where i dont even care if he
calls, i wont answer. If he texts, i wont reply. If he
comes over, i dont even wana speak or look at him. If he
dies, ill be there but ill be ashamed of how he ended his
life with his kids. Its not fair that i feel this way. A
14 year old shouldnt be thinking like this of there dad.
But you know what. I DONT CARE ANYMORE. it was all a
mistake at the beggining. i got a long with her a lil bit.
but i never like jody(his wife). i never will ever again.
shes not a good stepmom. I cant believe my father puts her
before us. its NOT FAIR at all. I hate it. Sometimes i
wana just kill my self. or cry out all my saddness and
anger about him. I want to see you soon dad. But i really
dont. There will always be a place in my heart for you.
But right now i dont think i need to see you until you
learn and feel and know how im feeling and
thinking.Everything would be awesome and i would finnally
be able to have a relationship with my dad if he wasnt
with jody. I know a lot of people have been through this
but not like me. Its been really hard because my mom and
dad have been re-married. They devorced when i was 4 and
im 14 now. I wish we could go back and make everything
right. I always pray and hope my mom and dad would get
back together. But i guess its not ment to be. My mom and
dad tell me that it wont everhappen again that my mom is
staying with dale her whole life and my dad is staying
with jody the rest of his life. Even if they both get
devorced again. I should stop wishing because it will
never be the same again. I wish, but you can only wish so
much then your luck runs out, but if i could change
anything in my life it would be for my parents to get back
together. Thats one thing i would really love to have back
in my life. Then nothing would happend, I wouldnt get in
trouble. Because my dad wouldnt let me if he did i dont no
how long i would be grounded. My dad is stricked. and i
wish he was here for me to ground me. Because then if i
was with my mom and dad. Nothing would fly by my dad.
Thats all for now.

- Breanna

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