Daisy251

Homelife
2010-04-17 21:29:51 (UTC)

saving grace

Ok...I now realize that not only is this a wonderful
outlet for me , it may just be my saving grace(the tension
continues to mount & so does the depression...being around
him is almost unbearable.) This is so sad. I have tried to
leave & I have no job. What in the world can I do? Get a
job? I am actually starting to see after all of these
years that he could be VERY DANGEROUS. His explosive
temper over minor issues honestly scares the crap out of
me. I believe that he's phycho& a real nut job. All of
these years he has led me to believe that I am the
problem. I think that the reason I believed him is because
of my upbringing. My grandmother was schizophrenic, my
father was in prison for most of my childhood & my mother
did not even like me to call her"Mom". My self -esteem has
been in the gutter. I was married by the time that I
turned 16 & had a miscarriage shortly after.As I am typing
this...I am actually mentally exhausted from thinking
about my past. I am determined to make it I WILL MAKE IT.
In fact, I won't just make it in this world...I will come
out on top! I will not allow someone to emotionally bring
me down by golly this has all been going on way too long.
It is time that I stand up to him & let GOD lead the way
for me to become the woman that has been hiding inside of
me for all of these years! I can & will suceed,AMEN!!!!




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