Out of Control
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2010-04-15 22:15:56 (UTC)

another shitty day (:

OKAY SO , today sucked ass . i dont really know what i
come to expect in my days anymore . do i hope that special
guy will fall for me ? or that he and his girlfriend will
break up ? or do i hope that the girl i want to be best
friends with will stop being a bitch and realize i just
want to be close to her , cause i need someone . i need to
not be alone . but now she has a cool older friend . she
always has alot of friends , but normally she still payys
attention to me . but yet ,, this time shes being a
bitch . yep , a bitch . if i talk to her she replies once
than gets off . if i tell her im upset , she changes the
fucking subject . she doesnt care about me . shes using
me . and i know it . i guess im outu of use to her , but i
really loved her . she helped me feel happy , and maybe
popular again . and morgan doesnt realize that shes being
a bitch and that its really affectng me . i cant deal with
this anymore , i cant i cant i cant . but anywyas im going
on a field trip tomorrow , whoooooooo , to the battle ship
and aquarium and beach . sounds fun , right ? NOT , itll
probably be hell . atleast afterward im going home with
sam sam . im gonna spend the night with her (: unlesss she
decides she doesnt even want me there and changes her
mind . which is extremely possible . why does nobody care
about me ? i want someone to help me fill this void in my
heart somehow . cause all i am is upset anymore . i cant
do this at all . shes nice one minute then too bust fo
she not realiz how FUCKING ALONE I AM ! i mean , my god ,
well actually , god will you please help me ? and let me
find someone who will help me get past this stage ?i think
thats why moving is a good idea . there has to be one
person in a bunch of new people , right ?
well see you soon , love amanda 3