mystical nuisance

road to nowhere
2010-04-15 08:08:56 (UTC)

what have i done - i am rambling

We talked the other day and i i expressed a need for you
to control me more to punish me more.
In doing this i think that i have messed things up,
hopefully this can be repaired.
I think i need to go back a bit and explain.
The time we have spent while S was away was the most
amazing time, in this time i seem to get over zealous of
the time that we spend together, i never want it to end,
then when it does it takes me a while to get use to having
a life here again. My emotions race all over the place
and i feel lost. I guess you have become such an
important part of my life that i get worried over
everything. I trust you with my life, thats why I was so
excited to be finally collared to you, i hope you realise
just what it means to me. To be finally locked to you is
my ultimate wish. You said not long ago that being
collared to you is like being married, i feel that way
too. I love you so much that at times i just want to
scream it at the top of my lungs. You can make me smile
and laugh, but unfortunately you can also make me cry. I
am not sure you realise this, but when you leave and make
a remark about finding someone else that cuts me to the
heart. you have to know that i dont share my affections
well. i dont understand why you say it, it hurts when you
do, my heart breaks and the tears well up in my eyes..
then you say you are sorry, sorry for what, sorry for
saying it. maybe i am not the person that you think i am,
i do as you ask and yes there are somethings that i go omg
about but you know that i will do as you ask as you are my
Dom. You say that i am a sexy erotic person, i am this
for you, i dont want to be this person for someone else.
I did the D thing because i knew that you werent that far
away, like i told you he creeped me out. I will do this
for you so i can come back and tease you like you like me
to do, but i wont do this just for something to do, its
not me. once i give my heart to someone i do without
conditions and its taken me along time to do this.
Maybe i stuffed up by asking you to be harder on me, i
want the you that i had last week, it breaks my heart to
know that i have changed things.. i dont like it, but i
guess i made my bed so now i have to sleep in it...