lilxsin

Sindy
2010-04-15 00:59:20 (UTC)

4/14/10

Well I'm going to start a online diary again, I figure I
can vent this way as well, Since music and taking fequent
walks with Jamie arent helping any.

Part 1

Ok, Today I am kind of feeling less productive, for the
first half of the day. Yes I finished my Excel
and doing great in school, But there are always some
delays in important things I want to happen for my son and
I, Like for instance HUD. Now I have to wait till June/July
now. Since they changed things a month after I applied. I
can't even find driving school here, So I don't get to
practice driving much, I think you should be able buy your
car, get insurance for it etc... So you don't have to drive
someone else's car or the schools car for the road test.
They want you get your license but they don't want you get
set up till after your get your license. I think it's dumb.
I need to get more focused, Cause I love feeling
accomplish, I am the type I kind of have to be around
postive people, cause I just asorb their emotions and it
brings me down. So I need to get out of this house, cause
they are not helping any, That and I need more supportive
people in my life or live with. I am not happy really. I am
kind of getting the feeling things will never change and I
am just stuck at where I am. I know I deserve better. cause
I am a postive and great person, I will literally give the
shirt right off my back if you needed it, anything for that
matter. I am feeling a little depressed as well. In which
it isnt helping any, Where is my Angel at to come save us.

I just love it how most people can find someone right off
the bat and they help them change their lives for the
better even though they aren't nice people. I just for once
want to have that, But me I have to wait for a couple of
years and then it happends. Funny how good people do finish
last.

Part 2

God, I hate people that lie and keep shit from me, You can
ask anyone I am the most up front, Truthful person you can
meet. So why do people feel it's necesary to lie to me and
say things that arent true. It really hurts my feelings,
cause they make me look a certian way to people, So people
get that impression of me, And I am talking about someone
that is so close to me, just goes off and stabs me in the
back like that, and after me being the nice person that I
am doing stuff, going out of my way for them, and that's
the respect I get back. I am so tired, it drians the shit
out of me. I would say I am a strong person and can just
right people off like that, and I never really cry on
anyones shoulder, Most times I like to be alone and have my
wall up, it protects me, But once I let that wall down it
is all over with, cause then there is emotions to be felt,
a heart to be broken, and I don't need that shit right now
in my life. But I think I do need to cry on someone special
shoulder, or feel the love I need that I always give out to
people. It would be nice.

I love getting and giving hugs from my son, But I don't
ever cry in front of him cause I don't want him to pick up
that, he don't understand he is only 5 years old. I don't
want him to have any drama in his life.

A lot of people say I am a mother figure or like and Empress
just the way I look after people, I love always to be there
and confort people that are in my life, that are important
to me. The other side of me is a Queen - a women that has
to learn to trust others again I've gotten hurt by people
all my life, people always promise things they can not
keep, but me when I promise the things I can deliever and I
usally go out of my way to make shit happen (my word is my
bond) in other words.

Well I am feeling a little better and that I have to do
some work I need to finished for school.

Oh tomorrow is my mock interview, I hope I do well and get
a good grade. So I have to pre pare myself and get into
that mind set for tomorrow, I want and need this good
grade. I did really well on my practice questions my
teacher was very happy with my answers.




Ad: