Out of Control
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2010-04-15 00:56:43 (UTC)

its been a while , and i feel lost .

i dont know who i am . in a world where everybody wants to
fit and make friends , and where people say its okay to be
an individual , its a lie . i have been molded and shaped
and changed into what i am . like every tragedy or
everytime im yelled at , BAM , amandas alittle different .
IT MOTHER FUCKING SUCKS , yeah , i shouldnt curse . yeahh ,
i be stupid . but I DONT CARE ANYMORE . i dont know why ,
but i just dont care at all . or at least i dont want to
care . im alone , completely emotionally alone . nobody
knows me , hell i dont know me . everything is out of it .
my friends dont care enough . i dont have anyone i can talk
to , i dont have anyone who actually knows me , who will be
there when i need them , im not sure what i did , i wish i
could fix it and i try but i know i cant . my world is
falling apart .
i cant do this .
im hurt and tired and upset . i dont know how to be . i
dont want to be alone . but *** doesnt understand how bad i
need her . how bad i REALLY need her . and she doesnt even
care . she uses me , i came out and said it . she doesnt
care how i am , she cares how SHE IS . *** was the only one
i felt close to . but only when we were alone . but she
just wanted to be close with someone else . its cool though
i can make this . atleast if i move i know i can start
over , maybe people will want to know me since im new .
just to know me . i hate my life . i seriously hate my
life . im not thinking of suicide , or well im thnking
about it , but not about doing it . just if ill ever come
to where i feel like theres noplace out . i could just do
it for attention , cause my situation isnt THAT BAD ..
i dont know myself , like i said . i am a starnger to
myself . how do you learn who the hell you are ?!