sandiemoo

sandie's pregnancy diary
2010-04-14 09:53:08 (UTC)

Update

I will be 30 weeks in 2 days and it seems to be taking ages,
I'm having a little boy and the amount of clothes he has
allready is riduclous, i have been given alot of clothes and
have brought alot too. I have allready got the cot, pram,
car seat, bouncer, cot bedding, bottle sterilizer, and
allthough there is still alot more to get i am really quite
proud of myself for doing as well as i have done.

I think to understand my achievements you need to know what
sort of person i was before i got pregnant. I have had a
drink problem since i was about 12, i got into drugs and
fell pretty deep into the "drug world" i spent just over a
week in hospital after months of abusing my "favorite" drug
ketamine. I suffered with annorexia for just under a year as
a result of drug abuse and spending my money on drugs
instead of food. I think my parents know, but we never speak
about it. I'm too ashamed to tell them but i think deep down
they know.

Just before i got pregnant, i was pretty much off the drugs,
just smoking cannabis, not cigarettes, still drinking and
occasional slip ups with cocaine. Nothing like it had been.
My money management was non-existant the day money came into
my account it went out, i really struggled to proritise
things well.

Since the day i found out i was pregnant, i haven't touched
a drink, nothing, not even a glass of wine, mainly because
once i have one i know how difficult i find it to stop at
just one drink, but also because my son is far more
important to me now. I haven't smoked or even been around
smoke, i have completely taken myself away from it and 99%
of my friends smoke so i do get quite lonely. But i know the
risks smoke can have an my unborn baby and its just not
worth it. I'm never going to smoke again, ever. And im never
going to drink like i did. My money management is so much
better now, i spend 90% of my money on baby things because i
know they are my main prority, i sold my phone to be able to
buy my baby's cot, something i would never have dreamed of
doing before, i have even managed to save for a 3 day
holiday in Devon.

This is how i know my decision to keep my baby was not
wrong, because had i not made that decision i would still be
smoking, taking drugs, getting into money troubles. I am
even starting a university course from home in June, to
begin working towards a decent career so i can provide a
better life for me and my son. There are still alot of
things in my life, and about myself i would like to improve
but having allready come so far i know i can do anything
with my son as my motivation.

I can't wait to meet my son, for all the new challenges he
will bring, for the personal developments i will make and
the jeorney to beccoming a better person. I look forward to
beccoming responsible, mature and independant.

Feelng very positive today and can't wait for the future.

Sandie




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