poisonivy

Crazy
2010-04-13 17:35:52 (UTC)

hypochondria ( always thinking something is wrong with you)

Who are you? How would you know who you are without
descriptions created by others? Are you smart? funny? lost?
disturbed? who decides? and what are these titles?


Everyone goes through labels during their lives. And I seem
to never know what I should be called... am i crazy? I feel
that way at times. I have done things...thought things that
would get me locked up in no time if I were to come forward...


Some people say that we are what our experiences make us. So
what am I?

I am a genius and a fool... My mom says I am the epitome of
a hypochondriac... personally (though I am sure this
conferms what she says) I just know that I have a few
problems.... i don't think that I will die at any second...
or that i am riddled with tons of diseases... i do think
that i am sick... i have found out that i have hypoxemia (
it is a symptom and not a disease...it means that the oxygen
in my blood is to low)...this is a fact....i have a monitor
given to me by the doctor that shows the oxygen in my
blood....it should never drop below 95 percent... mine
frequently lies around 88....if it drops below 80 i will
die....all facts...


so am i a hypochondriac? possibly... that doesn't mean i
can't be sick.... according to my mother i believe i have
tumors...cancer... heart disease... and anything else in the
book...sooo not true... but oh well... i will never be able
to convince her... and maybe all of my ramblings about it
mean that there is some truth behind it all... i don't want
to be sick... but i am also not oblivious to the fact that
people do get sick and you can not just ignore the symptoms...

My mother is a nurse... she just graduated a year ago...
congratulations! But she ignores any medical problem her
family has unless we are basically bleeding to death in
front of her or if a doctor tells her we really are sick...
i sometimes have attacks that can be very dangerous because
of my hypoxemia... I would be at school sitting in a desk
and my heart rate would sky rocket to try and bring my body
enough oxygen because the oxygen in my blood just got to
low... my body would go numb and i would have trouble
breathing... it is hard to breath fast enough when your
heart suddenly starts pumping to fast... but even with all
of this my mother kept telling me it was all in my head....
that is until my physics teacher called her and said she had
to come get me or they would be calling an ambulance... when
mom got there she finally believed me... well she kinda had
to... i could barely walk...




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