fallendestiny

An outlet of sorts
2010-04-12 16:42:34 (UTC)

It's Monday

It's Monday, the start of another week. Well... for me it
doesn't *really* ever end. I work a normal 8 hour shift
Monday - Friday and then have to go in for a short while
on Saturdays and Sundays to do paperwork. I am the
manager of this place, but without the title or pay that
would normally come along with the work I do at this
establishment. I wish I had the guts to demand a pay
raise or I'll quit, but he would just let me quit. He has
no respect for women. I wish I could find another job,
but there are no jobs in this area and I'm lucky to have
this one. I can't take the risk of losing this job since
I have a family to support. So I just suck it up and push
through it. The economy has to get better at some point,
right?

My boss called me on Friday and told me to start arriving
there at 11am instead of 10am. Great... that one hour a
day cuts my paychecks by about $170 a month. That
wouldn't be so bad but the bars are suffering from the
downward spiral of the economy too. Which means I have
very few customers and since I'm a bartender, my
livelyhood depends on tips. I use my paychecks to pay
bills and my tips provide for everything else. So not
only am I taking a cut in pay in my hourly wages, but I
took a big cut in my tips. I am really starting to
worry... how are we going to make it?

I wish my BF would get out of this rut he's in. At some
point, you have to say enough is enough and take charge of
your life, not just sit and let it pass you by. I
understand that it's hard to do, but you have to do what
you have to just to survive.

I found out over a week ago that D and I both need
glasses. I've known that D needed them for about two
years now, but since he's not biologically mine, I
couldn't do a damn thing about it. I guess my BF didn't
believe me until D started kindergarten this year and his
teacher said something about it a couple times. Finally
got him in a couple Wednesdays ago and that poor kid...
his vision is bad. He should get his glasses this week
and this is going to open up a whole new world to him.
Hopefully this will improve his attitude also. He does a
lot of back talking (which probably doesn't have much to
do with his sight and more like his dad letting him get
away with it too much before he finally scolds him for it,
but I can hope) and when my BF isn't within earshot and I
ask D to do something or not do something he'll look at me
and make a blech noise at me. Even though I provide for
him anything he needs (I buy him his school clothes, pay
for his school pictures, I paid for his glasses and
anything else he needs) I am not allowed to parent him. I
have no say. Even though I have a 10 year old daughter
who is turning out to be a pretty good kid, my thoughts
and opinions have no merit. He would rather listen to D's
mom who basically has nothing to do with D and has two
other kids (teenagers... my bf isn't their father) which
both have been in trouble with the law.

I guess in the end... I just want to feel like I matter...




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