R.J

Hard days nights
2010-03-30 16:46:14 (UTC)

Being 20... 30- march- 2010

Feeling weaker bt the day, everyday I look back at my life
just 2 years ago and how much I've changed... I let people
enter my life whom I shouldn't ever allowed them to b in it.

But if I regret and blame myself would it change anything??
Everyday I remember the dreams that I had and the life that
I had big expectations for, big dreams.
I wished one day I would be a lawyer although I'm in a law
school bt I feel like a loser... I wanted to b a writer then
I stopped coz of ppl who just froze me, made me unable 2
move.

At the age of 20 i dreamed of finishing a book making a progress in my life but here I AM 20 AND NOTHING.
All my good qualities are gone, I don't know who am I
anymore??!!!
I'm just 20, thinking of death at the end of my life more
than I think of future, everyone around me tells me ur just
20 let the life of the woman in her 50's gets out of u.
But what can I do, I became addicted 2 pain, 2 self harm.
The man I love... I believe he stopped loving me although
everyone else can c the opposite.
I'm 20 and I did nth in my life, I achieved nth and I
believe it's too late for me because I've always thought in
order 2 b a great thing and be someone that matters u should
work on yourself from early stage of life. I mean look at me
I'm doing really bad in my studies lying on myself and
everyone else I'm studying n' I'll make it... plus I can't
play any sports or know how to play any instrument.
I wish I'll pick myself up again and see myself I'm not too
late n' there's a chance 4 me 2 break free and 2 b as independent as I've always wished 2 b




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