Lorisaurus

Paradoxical Fortunes
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2010-03-27 04:59:49 (UTC)

Dear Sam,

I think about you every day. I miss you, and sometimes I don't even know why I
do anymore. It stopped making sense a while ago, even to the girl that has been
lovesick for five years now. Can it really be love? It was once, but is it still? My
feelings have changed, yes, but how? How have they changed? Have they merely
metamorphosed with me as I myself made transitions, or have they faded into
something fake, something that I merely hold on to in order to keep some form
of hope for this life?

How can I still love someone if I don't know who they are any more? You've been
gone for almost six years, and I haven't seen you for five. I pride myself in the
fact that we've kept in such close contact, and that you and I are still such great
friends when you don't remember the others who you used to know here. But
now we hardly talk any more, because your school doesn't have good internet
access - yet we still manage to catch times to chat over Facebook, or on video.
And we never run out of things to say. That's a lie. We do. But even if we do, we
don't mind, we just sit there and enjoy each other's company.

Would you do that for someone else? I don't know if there's anyone besides me
who you keep in such intense contact with despite the miles of ocean between
you. I don't think there is. Does that make me special? Does that make me
different? Do I mean anything to you at all? I know I'm your friend. I know we're
close. But is that all? Part of me thinks that you wouldn't go through such
trouble to keep in touch with just a "friend." But then, I'm not you, am I?

Time is so cruel. Four months, four months until I finally see you again. And
then I will know for sure what you think, what you want from me.


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