lost in translation
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2010-03-25 15:31:15 (UTC)

since last time.....

so im back!bads things have occured but also some good!
of since last time my poor little hamster had to be put
down :(. he had tumours.poor little jabba houdini.so that
more than sucked.me and liam have argued loads and i have
gotten fatter!how ever i have deactivated facebook for a
as i couldnt stick to the no checking it rule.i am re
joining slimmers world tonight and i got my op date!so good
with the bad.im going to start swimming again also
because,bacisally,im sick of fucking around!i want weight
off sooner rather than later!not just for vain reasons.but
also to be fit and healthy in time for my op so i dont
suffer so much after.plus i just want to be healthy again
in general.bit sick of being puffed out just walking up the
stairs!!this summer i want to stroll around in dresses and
flip flops without worrying how i look,more than abit sick
of feeling hot and bothered with clothes that dig into my
tummy.making it hard to function!nights out without
constantly tugging at my jeans to hide the muffin top, cant
be bad!my self confidence is almost at its lowest and that
just makes me eat more so finaly want to take control of
this food obsessed cycle!food is not love!!even if it does
taste great!im hoping to permanantly change my view of
food,or at least go back to what it used to be!i have
walked the dog more and am even going to force myself to
take him out soon (even if it is pissing down!).im feeling
pretty positive about the future and am going to keep it
that way.so for the next few weeks no drink for me!helens
hen night and then no drinking again untill the
wedding.then i have the op so in theory aprill should be a
good month for me.famous last words eh!?i still havent
managed to stop constantly browsing for clothes but small
steps!anyway less looking at facebook means less wanting
things.seeing everyone constantly wearing new clothes is
not a good thing.i am sure before facebook nobody shopped
as much.the worry that you will be tagged two weekends in a
row in the same oufit is surely the reason clothes shops
seem to be the only
buisness's that havent suffered threw the recession!ok,im
sure thats not strictly true but i meant the big
chains.topshop etc.all the small individual owned clothes
shops have long gone.and i want them back!all that is left
now is the option to buy the same effing clothing everyone
else is wearing.if i see one more lace/floral bodycon dress
im going to scream!what happened to being an individual!
i am sick of this magazine fashion tip culture.why are you
wearing things because the fashion editor in heat said it
was "this seasons essential"!! fuck off heat i will wear
what i want,i dont want to look like i just came of a
conveyer belt somewhere!problem is now being an individual
is in fashion.not a real individual of course!a clone of an
individual!right ladies she dresses different,copy her!and
everyone does.it just takes away all sense of personal
style.all this i think has deffinatly gotten worse since
the rise of facebook.its like all of a sudden we all have a
magazine based completely around yourself.you are the star!
but no one looks like them,they all look like each other!
again this isnt strictly true because there are some people
who really do just do what they want,go where they want and
wear what they want.but people will just have a peek at
your page and think she looks like she is having fun.thats
what im going to do!and low and behold next week they are
doing and wearing the same thing,taking as many pictures as
possible.to show how cool they too,are!my god i hate
facebook!the problem is im just as addicted as everyone
else!!hence have deactivated to start living in reality
again.not the virtual kind!besides some of the coolest
people i know arent even on facebook and never have
been.and seem a hell of alot happier and less image
obsessed than the rest of us facebookers!i really dont know
how celebs live that way!and this brings me to my new
addition to my list.i am NOT buying magazines.glossy mags
are as bad as facebook for fucking with my mental state and
my wallet!plus i really dont give a fyling shite what
cheryl effing cole is wearing and what she does in between
forcing out fake tears on the x factor!

so possitivity is the way forward for me!hopefully next
time i write i will have some real progress to report,other
than ranting about shite!right im off to scoff my last
burger for the forseeable future!!!woop!..........