Dreams Don't Come True
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2010-03-24 22:46:46 (UTC)


Right, I know I haven't written in like ages so i thounght
i would. My life is the best it has ever been ever. I've
lost weight, I'm healthier. I'm getting on with my social
life. I'm less stressed, I'm getting more into boys. I
still fancy Brandon. But only a little bit, I used to
depend on seeing him everyday. But I soon got over him, in
a matter of weeks in fact. Much sooner than Olly. Fuck
Olly. He's nothing now. I just looked back at the letter I
wrote him and it's all shit. What was I thinking? I'm me
now. I'm no freak. I'm normal, I'm Hannah. I am confident,
I am pretty, I am me. I am loved. I can be me and no-one
can stop me. Oh, and another thing. I cracked the boy
code. It turns out that looks only initially attract them.
Then afterwards all they carea bout it personality because
they sctually understand that all a girl wants is to be
swept of her feet. But then she gets to clingy and depends
on him (like i did with Olly) and he has to dump her and
break her heart. So a man finds it more attractive if a
girl in comfortable in her own skin and doesn't depend on
him. Jonathan Hackett told me that. He's a great friend.
He taught me most of what I know now. He helped me through
my little struggle. I wear less make-up now. It's better
if I look like me than some slut. And boys can't just not
like me because of something stupid like that. I wannt
them to like me for me. Which they will do. I've still got
my eye on Brandon. I reckon me and him are mates. I just
got to get closer to him. I've got closer to Jonathan,
he's my mate. He's really nice. I can tell him anything.
I'm also really good friends with Chris Radbone. I can
tell him anything, and he can tell me anything. We test
eachother for hours about his problems with his family
life. His parents dont appreciate him and only carea bout
his brother who beats him up and he's just like invisible.
He think's he may be developing anxiety like me. Im going
to help him. I just reassure him and tell him how special
he is and how I think he's awesome and he shouldn't have
to stand for any crappy treatment. But I can't help him,
hes the only one that can get him out of this mess. He's a
really nice guy. He reminds me of my step-brother Brian.
In looks and everything. But he's pretty cool, so is
Johnny. All I have to do now is work on Brandon. Then
bingo, one of them falls in love with me and I know just
how to work them. Result. Life is so easy when you know
the code. Of couse I will not be like this for long. But
for the moment I can gloat in my self admiration. I know
it wont last. I got depressed yeasterday again. I wrote it
all down. Everytime something happes I write it down so I
can look back and reflect. It's awesome. One day when I'm
older I shall write this all up in a book and show my
kids. I'll show them how their mummy was as a teen. Well,
I gotta go now. Shower time :) I take a great intrest in
personal hygeine. Love ya xxxxxx :)