Someone Who's Just Here

My Life [as it sucks]
2010-03-24 19:48:03 (UTC)

Day 3

between shit with my ex and now i'm failing chemistry, my
stress level has gone through the roof. i dont know what
to
do anymore with my ex. she'll be really nice to me at some
points and then others yell at me and then ignore when
she's not doing either. i can't take it anymore. the devil
on my shoulder is telling me that i'm making the right
choice by giving up and letting her go and getting on with
my own life b/c i dont deserve to be treated like this,
but
the angel on my shoulder is saying that i love her too
much
to leave and that if i leave she'll be the one who i look
back on and say: she's the one who got away. but now with
the voice in my head saying i'm an idiot who'll never pass
chemisty, i just. give. up. what the hell am i suppose to
do? how am i suppose to handle all this. i'm only 16 and i
have massive stress, this can't be any good for me at such
a young age. some days i just wish something had gone
wrong
in delivery and i wasn't born. so many things in the
people
around me lives would be different, for the better. it
just
sucks to sit here and know there's absolutely nothing you
can do to make your life better b/c you dont know how. i
sit and smoke my way to lung cancer b/c that's the
only "legal" way i know how to handle it, but my nicotine
high only lasts for so long, and then what? i'm back to
feeling like i have to pretend i'm okay. this isn't how
life's suppose to be. it's suppose to be a little easier
than this, atleast while i'm still in high school. i just
dont know anymore. i just...give up.

Love and Stars,
Someone Who's Here




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