The Chronicles of Trouble
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2010-03-24 02:44:06 (UTC)

It's complicated

I know it has been a while, and it is my sincere
intention to write in here every day, but sometimes I
cannot. Like yesterday, when I woke up for work, I felt
fine. I was energetic and ready to roll, but no more than
a few hours later, I was completely on empty. It was so
shitty for me. I am so glad it was slow at work because I
would have been fucked had it not been. These meds are
getting to me and not sleeping well for the past 5 months
or so has really taken a toll on me. I definitely feel the
effects of it and it blows.
Last night I took a pill that my husband got from a
friend of his which is a dietary supplement: melatonin. It
isn't a sleeping pill, but it's what helps us fall asleep
naturally and I have to say that although I still feel a
little tired, I am a lot better than I was yesterday. I
mean, I was literally running around everywhere at work
today and I definitely felt ok all throughout the day.
What was weird though that even though I know I slept last
night, it seems as if everytime I moved or changed
positions while I was sleeping, I did feel it. I know it
doesn't make any sense, but I cannot explain it any better
than I just did. I have one of those pills left and I will
definitely take that tonight before I go to bed. I need
all the sleep I can possibly get.

So anyway, work has been slighty weird ever since he sent
me that text message last Friday. I was actually nervous
about seeing him at work because I thought he was going to
be an ass toward me. Luckily he's still himself. Even
though I still think it wasn't him (but his wife) which
sent me that message, I've let it go. I was really upset
today when a friend at work told me something that never
happened a year ago (after I was married). Something down
the lines that I said, "make sure you don't tell him I got
my rings". Yeah.. Why would I say that? Sure, I didn't
want anyone to know I was married (I'll save that for
another day) but once everyone found out, I was (and still
am) damn proud to say so. It just pissed me off because he
said it in front of this person and it was like, "I never
said that and you know it". Hell, what kind of stupid shit
is that to say anyway? I did, however, think it was funny
when he asked, "is it because you didn't want to break his
heart?" Oh, sure. I don't care about him like that for
that to even happen. I am sure he feels the same way about
me. I should really just leave it alone before it gets
under my skin again. I just hate how people think I like
him because I mess with him a lot. Hell, I am like that
toward a few other people. That does NOT mean I like them.
I just like them enough to mess with them because it's
fun. Dumb ass.

Anyway, I actually feel like falling asleep right now but
I know I'll only sleep for an hour or two and wake up all
groggy and shit. I definitely don't want that to happen at
all. So here I am, writing in my journal and listening to
music. Good times..