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2010-03-22 19:03:04 (UTC)

First Time

There was line in the movie Hawk, "It is always a first
time for you must give it a try." That the
reason I am here today to try my hand in writing my own
diary, my own feeling, my own sorrow and to make it my
best pal. As I have started today but I am not sure how
long will I take it. As I am sure that I will not be able
to login tomorrow or its not about
suicide. I am a big bloddy loser, so it may happen I may
forget about this tomorrow. The reason I am here today is
because I am very sad,very very very sad. I am missing my
best friend. I used to love her. But never had courage to
tell her. Never had a courage to talk to my family about
her. Never had courage to express my feelings ang emotion
to any of them. Now when she is getting married to some
one else ( no doubt better than me) I do not have courage
to face her and accept the truth. Not a single night I had
gone to bed without talking to her. Now every night I have
to stay awake thinking and crying for her. Since the day
she got engaged every day is disaster and every night is
sleeples for me. No matter how hard I try but it is next
to impossible to ignore her. But on the same side I feel
more pain when I talk to her. She is the best person in
this world. She is the only person who was with me all the
time. She used to feel me the most important person. I am
the biggest fool lossing the best person. God please give
me courage to be alive. I am so lonely now. Missing her
day and night. Each and every time spent with her are
memorable. She was my only friend. She knows everything
about me. only person with whom I could easily share all
my secrets. Now only thing I can do is cry for her. Cry
cry when ever and where ever....We used to love watching
movies....And now when she is not, I have stop watching
movies. Just spent my time alone in my room with doors
shut...Am i getting mad or depressed...I do not know what
it is? Only thing I know is that life will become hell
without her. She knows that I am ignoring her. She is also
feling bad about this....but I do not want to make her
feel in this way...I want her to spend all her time with
her fiance...I know it will not be eas for her to forget
me...but she can only do so if I stay away from her....I
don't have interest in living anymore....Hope to see