Seeking Eudaimonia

in nuce
2010-03-21 16:14:29 (UTC)

back to the drawing board

I've started working on the design again; the design of my
first tattoo. The design and symbolism associated with the
tattoo are so important to me that whenever I work with it, I
experience powerful moments of self-reflection. It is in times
like these when I remember the importance of maintaining my
journal, and today felt like a good day to establish my
second journal.

A few months ago I ended my first journal with an analysis
of the similarities and differences between the young man
who started the journal over 7 years ago and the man I am
today.

It was a humbling experience to recall the values that I
held dear in the past and reassess the values I have adopted
through the years. My desires as a younger man seemed much
simpler but no less treasured than many of my current
desires. Some have been met or have fallen from my care long
ago while others remain, and of course new desires have
emerged as my life has evolved.

What was striking to me however, was that some of what I
yearned for the most as a young man remains to be among my
strongest wishes as a man, a husband, and a father. The
desire for acceptance, for inner-understanding, and an
ultimate peace with myself and my environment to name a few.

With over 7 years logged in my first journal, I have a
powerful tool for insight as I continue to discover who I
really am. Those who know me would say that I am an
intelligent, kind, and driven individual who would bend over
backwards to help a friend. They might even explain that
politically I will forever be an Independent but secretly
route for the Libertarians. Hell. Some could even tell you
that I am a crafty little devil with a knack for subtle
manipulation, but there are none (save one) who could
tell you that I fear that my darker attributes may one day
consume me or that I can't bring myself to believe in
religion despite a strong Mormon upbringing.

This journal will know me better than my friends will know
me. This journal will hear the words that I fear to speak to
my wife. This journal will speak truths about me that even I
may not see. This journal will remind me that I have work to
do if I am to change. This journal will be my solitude.

Just as in my first journal that I started years ago, not
every entry will be poetic and not every entry will be
insightful, but what is a journal if it is simply a recital
of poems or a collection of thought-provoking discussion; a
song book or philosopher's notepad? That is not life. Life
is no more an elegant song than it is a wooden fence.
Life is a series of activities linked together by threads of
perceived significance, and it is in the recognition of
these threads that one weaves together a story of how one
man was born and came to be..

This is "in nuce" and if you are joining me along my path I
invite you witness my development and discover your own as I
begin this new stage of life!




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