lost in translation
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first entry 19/03/2010
so i have decided that since i am a complete mental the
only healthy way to stay sane at the moment is to keep a
diary!mostly to ramble on about the shite i am sick of
hearing myself winge about to other people!and maybe to
help me sleep at night because i just cant seem to switch
off.so the hope is this will help me to get all my
mentalness out!doubtfull but here goes!where to start!!i
find myself in yet another awfull mood.part of the reason
of keeping this diary is help me examine how i get
there.this is where the mental comes in!today goes as
follows.....i woke up (after a terrible nights sleep)
feeling mega depressed.all caged in and hopeless.i made
myself cheer up a bit by sticking some music on and having
a quick wash,woop!got my arse out the door to go top my
crappy pay as you go credit card up.To buy more shit i
dont need,and so it began!after yet another night of
looking at clothes,i picked out more things to buy.that
wont fit me!i was in a good mood,still,after a walk and
perchased said soul destroying clothing!as i was already
on the laptop i signed into skype and facebook (uh oh!)
and then spent my entire day looking at clothes,pictures
of other peoples great lives and fucking advertising!add
to this the pain from the endometriosis and my period.now
dont quote me on it but i think i have cracked it lol!!
another wasted day spent on consumerism and negative
thougts,sat on my fat arse!top it off with a big argument
liam and ladys and gentlemen i think we have sucsessfully
found the reasons i an im not so good a mood!
Its not that i dont know where i am going wrong day to day
its just that i am well and truely stuck in a frickin rut!
so i have decided to come up with some sort of routine to
get me out of my weird,mostly self imposed misery!
1.keep this diary and write in in when ever i need to
2.i will do at least 45 mins of exorcise daily
3.im going to eat healthy!!!yes i am.yes i am!!!!
4.i am not going to check facebook/sykpe/hotmail daily
5.im going to buy more books and read 1 a week
6.i am not going to needlessly shop untill i am back in a
7.im only going to go on the laptop for an hour a
day,hopefully every two days!
8.i AM going to live in the real world!!
so there we are!these are my goals.easy enough eh!before i
know it i will be a skinny,moderately well
dressed,adjusted,calm,educated and bad mood free member of
society.its just that number five will interfere with
number 2,because once once i start reading books i end
locking myself away and reading non stop for days!number
four will fuck up number one,if i come on here i will not
be able to help myslef but check the others!!! and number
8 will ruin it all!oh dear!see mentall!ah well here we
god my punctuation is bad