Ranmat

The Last Hours
2010-03-17 10:11:06 (UTC)

why do i smoke weed

Ive been smoking weed since I was 20/21 years old.
I'm now 38.

Is it addictive? I would say yes. I mean, i have stopped
by choice for years. And i have picked it back up, even
after I have told myself that I have stopped. Most of my
friends, one by one... gave it up. I am still waiting for
my turn. I enjoy it. I dont like the actual smoking part
because with my bronchitis... or cough/throat
condition.... it does not agree with me physically.

I prefer it over drinking because you gain so much weight
with drinking. But honestly... I like two or three puffs
of weed with about two drinks and i'm straight for
whatever ocasion. Doesnt sound so bad .... does it?
Normally, I'd say no. Most of the people I am around now
do not smoke at all and consider it an illegal drug.
Others take it very lightly and even smoke in public as if
it was not illegal. Or even smoke in front of there
children with the logic.... they might as well learn it
from home first as with alcohol from the parent and not
learn how to abuse or overhype with others outside the
introduction of the home. Regardles.... i'm not that
parent. I have struggled with my smoking for years
because what my family has taught us kids as to live with
a sound mind at all times, bibically speaking. When you
smoke, you mind is altered. Period. I dont want to be
the type to say that I smoke because it makes my
surroundings, rather its music, food, people, whatever....
more pleasurable or entertaining. It should be so...
without the influence of marijuana. But i do find things
more enjoyable when i smoke. I think I sometimes think
more thoroughly or deeper..... or creative... but do i
need a substance for that? If i do... thats not good.

Sometimes I smoke for motivation. Like now.... being
tempted..... because i have it..... I'm tired.... no
energy... i dont feel like doing anything.... but yet...
its an hour and a half before my son has to be in bed.
Good thing he is eating dinner, but I have to bath him,
cook for tomorrow...(already took the chicken out so I
have to cook it before it goes bad... its the 2nd
night).....Read him a story.... pack the lunches and bags
for tomorrow....... I've been up since 4 am because of the
stupid earthquake. We lost an hour.....which makes SUCH
the difference, ironically. So right now, a couple of
puffs... would just give me the motivation to knock all of
that out... quickly ... and on time... amongst other
things/chores around the house.

Sometimes, I feel get really focus and anally organized
and thorough and in order. I knock out shit. I have the
strength and energy to. I'm fast. (which scares me...
becuase i always relate fast to speed and i'm not a
tweaker.

Recently... because of my DUI (we will talk about that
later)... I decided to get my mari=card. I dont want to
go all the way across the world to get weed...since, I
dont run in that circle anymore and its not easily
accessible. Plus, I'm not comfortable just getting
whatever off the street... which when its too potent....
i'm wondering why and when its too weak... its a waste.
So i went to this doctor who was like 125 years old... and
he prescribed me somethng for my "back". I couldnt stop
laughing at how easy it was and yet, even to me how bogus
this set up is.... but with a dispencery blocks away from
me and they have "choices"... and in abundance.... I have
to admit... its an awesome set up. And i dont want to
have possesion of it in the car and then get written up /
court/ etc.... at least i can say... Hey i have a permit
for it....although i think the courts even think its a
bogus permit. I mean really? And it just makes it ok?
Whose decision is it to determine if it is realy ok or
not? The doctor? You? They even give samples...
like a dubs-worth. I felt almost that it was a good
excuse to smoke. I think the budd growing is an art in
itself. I rather eat it than smoke it.... that is what I
wanted initially. Butter. Cookies...etc. But the one
that is down the street from my house is under
survellience so they dont bother with the "extra"
ingredients.

Sarkis went with me and introduced me to the owner. I'm
glad he did, because I would have been uncomfortable going
in as a single woman with a room full of armenian men
speaking no english. So now they know i'm with him...
they hook me up.

Getting this card i know..... now... even though nothing
has happened YET.... is one of my biggest mistakes of this
year. How do i know this? Because my gut is telling me
this. Lets just wait and see.


Reason I do:

1. Motivation
2. Relax
3. Boredom
4. Addiction
5. Creativity / Enjoyment / Fleshly pleasure


Reasons to stop:

1. It does not agree with me physically
2. Addictive
3. I hide it from my mom and my son
4. Alters my mind set

I want to stop. My first qwest is to find out according
to my creator..... why he is not happy with me smoking.





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