Lahlahrouh

A daily confession
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2010-03-14 17:25:33 (UTC)

present 5

With screaming, yelling, threats and slamming doors S left
the appatment on the 1st of March. The calm that followed
was pure bliss. I could do and say what I wanted and I did
not answer a single message he sent me in the first two
days.

Now I'm recovering from all the things that happened but I
realise that I have a long way to go.

The sadness that takes over my soul sometimes is almost
unbearable. I did not want to end up alone with two kids.
I had a dream of a beautiful family and a loving husband.

Reality hurts and I understand now that I got into this
situation because I'm most vulnerable when I recover from
a blow.
I also know that I seek certain things and that scares me
the most. How will I break the cicle of what I am
attracted to? Will I step into the exact same situation
again?

I'm afraid of life at the moment and I want to hide away
but I can't.
So I try to learn what life really is about. My children,
me, present, past and future.


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