shadowfenix

Confessions of a Thief
2010-03-14 07:35:44 (UTC)

Confession of an ex-con

About six months ago I contemplated the idea of whether or
not writing about my thoughts and feelings on an internet
type diary such as this would be a good thing. The reason I
was contemplating this is for the simple fact, I have to try
to find positive ways to vent my frustrations. The fact I am
here now writing this seems to me a clear indication that
i'm onto something positive.

Well then, with that said and done I suppose it would be the
polite thing to do and write a little bit about myself and
how I ended up here. I'm a criminal and have been for as
long as I can remember and all I have ever known is has how
to be one. Even my earliest memories could be viewed as
those of a criminal and try as I might I can not seem to
break this mentality.

There are only 2 things I truly enjoy doing in life and
these are crime and the other is writing and i've wasted my
life pretending crime was a good lifestyle to be living. In
truth I am not a very good criminal for the simple fact I
have a tendency to use illict narcotics. Drugs are by far
and large my achillies hill in life when not on drugs I live
a relatively decent existence. As soon as I start using
drugs common sense goes out the window and I revert to
commintting stupid and foolish criminal acts.

Before I delve any deeper into my choice of lifestyle I
would like to make it clear I am in way shape or form devoid
of morals or ethics. I have committed crimes against
ordinary people however, those have been few and far in
between and I try hard to steal from those I assume can
afford it the most. I'm not proud of some of the crimes I
committed when I was younger either again though that was
all apart of the learning processes required as a thief.

For the better part of my adault life i've been
incarcerated, I am turning 33 in a couple of weeks this will
be only my 3rd spent outside of prison since turning 18.
Over the long and yes extremely lonely years I like to
believe I have matured immensely and that here today with my
present frame of thoughts firmly in place I may be able to
embark upon another path in life.

Having only recently been released from prison after having
served a 3 year sentence for burglary's and for the
remainder of a parole period from almost 12 years ago. I am
at a lose everywhere I look I see possibilities to commit
crimes and it is taking all my will power to curb what has
always been my most basic instint, to steal. I am adamant
though I have set a 1 year goal to refrain from breaking the
law and by doing so staying out of prison. I envisioned it
will be difficult to adjust to having to struggle to get by,
but I vowed to do what ever it takes to doing the right thing.

Writing my thoughts down here on a diary that I am going to
allow to go public is one way I hope will give me the outlet
to write about things that I am going through so I do not
revert to old coping strategy's. There are some things going
on in my life right now that have me questioning certain
belief's. I will try to go through these here in my diary
once I have time to seriously think about them and
contemplate the impact it will have on my mental state in
general.

I actually believe writing this diary is going to be a good
thing for me and i'm looking forward to writing in it
everyday for all to see. I must warn people though some
things may offend and if it does 'such is life' get over it
and move on.

While I was in prison I had a lot of time to think and
believe me I used to think about a lot of crap, but I also
thought about I things I strongly believe in. I'm not
extremely competent when it come to technology, but I have
some stuff written on my computer that I wrote while I was
inside. As soon a I figure out if I can copy the things I
have already written to my diary I will as it will save me a
lot of time.

For now though this will do me I will have to think things
through before I write it because some stuff just cannot be
revealled and I will not reveal that which can get others or
myself into any kind of trouble.

So, til tomorrow then,

shadowfenix


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