Diary of a Break Up
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2010-03-11 23:25:34 (UTC)

DAY 1 (March 8th) 8 weeks into the break up

I decided that I was going to shed off the weight, mostly
because I wanted to but also because I thought that it may
help me win him back. We had been speaking until late
last night. I practically begged him to give me another
chance. I unselfishsly apologized for all my mistakes not
even expecting him to take responsibility for his but he
insisted that he just didn't feel the same way about me.
But I thought that I could show him that he is wrong,
people change, I changed for myself but mostly for him,
because he is worth it. I barely got any sleep that night
and woke up early prepared a nice healthy lunch for us and
headed over to the condo to surprise him so that we could
work out together. He was definitely surprised and seemed
pleased that I wanted to work out. As he was getting
ready I started cleaning up a little as he had mentioned
that the condo was going to go on the market again. When
I was empting out the garbage can in the guest washroom I
saw a condom. I picked it up and showed it to him without
saying a word. I fought back the tears and tried to hide
the trembling in my hands. Then he came into the kitchen
and asked if I wanted to know. I said "NO". I really
didn't want to know, I wanted to tell myself that maybe he
took it out of the package for some foolish reason like I
sometimes do but deep down inside I knew the truth, but as
long as I didn't hear it, it wasn't real. When we were
working out I pretended that nothing had happened but the
whole time I was thinking about it. He smiled at me,
while we were on the treadmill, it had been a long time
since he smiled at me and I just didn't want to spoil it.
when we finished the work out we went upstairs and took a
shower together. The touch of his skin gives me
Goosebumps. I was hoping that maybe something would
happen, so I tried to initiate it but he showed no
reaction AS USUAL so I let it go and went out of the
shower before him, got dressed, had lunch together and
watched him play his guitar before I left for work. I
called him alter on that evening but of course he didn't
pick. I'm sure he was out with a woman.