A double sided Life
2010-03-11 05:09:24 (UTC)

........love kills

This...ugh! I can't stop thinking! I can't stop just...*sigh*
This diary thing is actually pretty helpful. Although it's
only been a couple minutes or so since my first entry...it's
pretty nice. Imagine the setting of a boy sitting near his
window playing a stone chess set by himself. I guess it is
an advantage when you have two personalities when playing
chess by yourself. The candle is burning out however. The
whole reason I looked this thing up was to try and get some
advice on this insanity of my life. To try and find someone
who I could talk to without knowing their true personality.
The other me...is quite scary when it's angry. I find myself
about to cry when the "me" starts referring to my normal
self when "I" speak. Hopefully my wish will happen and
someone will actually start to read whatever I happen to
write. I'm so confused right now though. The depression has
faded away and now I'm feeling truculent right now. I had
loved Sam. I really had. And a few unforgivable words come
out of my mouth and I have ended it all. Maybe I didn't
deserve a friend like her... I am way to affectionate for a
normal guy. I write poems, I listen to others feelings,
I...I might just be really nice. Having to hide this amount
of pain is a hard thing to carry with myself. I might as
well just start writing a poem...

Days rip our being,
Weeks shattered our seeing,
Imagine what is a year,
Death shrouds the sight,
One little fear,
It is not a delight,

Not that of time,
Sour as a lime,
It has happened already,
Have I gone blind?
Unable to keep life steady,
We made one bind,

Your emotion gone unseen,
You aren't the average teen,
Earth and rock found,
Lost and vast as sky,
To the ground I am bound,
As if mocking my cry,

You said I'll love you forever,
You haven't made it better,
Blinded by the stories of many,
Don't know who to trust,
I was fooled like a ninny,
Even I don't have lust,

I'm confused and colorless,
No more tearless,
And one short day,
The worst happened,
We lost our sway,
Healed cuts now opened,

I looked up at your face,
Your eyes lonely at the base,
Lifeless yet one thing lives,
A single tear down your cheek,
I wonder who now gives?
I still see beauty like a mountain's peak,

A few minutes of yours,
To finish our pours,
To solve an evil equation,
Feelings are now tangible,
No, you'll take my station,
Why am I so destructable?

My eyes are different,
My heart was lent,
Broken, shattered, and red,
Your life still has worth,
Might as well be blood on my bed,
The guardian angel sent forth,

Look at my stained wings,
Bird forgot her sings,
Blackened life will soon disappear,
Do you see my new power?
I can give you new fear,
I can make you beg and cower,

A fallen angel now stands,
Waiting for our sands,
Wanting death and wreckage,
And one small girl is in his way,
It's time to start the carnage,
I love you is what she would say,

Angels see true beauty,
And ignore their duty,
This is true love,
We are so distant,
Ground and sky, my dove,
Uses the sextant,

Trying to get back home,
Your held in a dome,
My wings ripped and cut,
No longer able to fly,
I see the crystal in the sky,
There's no way to get by,

I'm so sick,
Tasting pity with my lick,
Broken my cage,
The shine flying away,
Just turn the page,
Searching, I found my way,

I have cleaned my stains,
Cured my pains,
Flying with one thing in mind,
Finally finding you,
I've been so kind,
What will you do?

Moon at our sides,
I've turned the tides,
Hands outstretched,
You land on my palm,
I've come and fetched,
And now I am calm,

You snuggle against my chest,
You really are the best,
I hold you gently,
My eyes now closed,
Your just so lovely,
I've now been dosed,

Ocean waves below,
Tell me it isn't so,
Explanations of suicide,
Don't ever think like that,
How am I to live knowing you've died?
I begin to prat,

A dove transforms from gray,
Golden love I must say,
We've found our meadow,
Our emotions live out,
There is nothing we owe,
True love, there is no doubt,

Look at the sunset,
People now let,
Two young kids run about,
Sand sliding between their toes,
Hehheh, a child starts to pout,
We've eliminated foes,

I'll love you forever,
Never say never,
Please don't cry,
We're under the midnight sky