blueberry

Confessions of a married woman
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2010-03-10 17:05:57 (UTC)

Mixed Emotions

I heard from Bret yesterday I was dying! I totally wasn't
going to message him again if i hadn't heard from him. I
have to type what he wrote me so that I can cherish it for
a while:

"I can't remember when I kissed a girl with a tenacity,
skill and sexyness that you gave me last night... Don't
know what u were nervous about. In fact if you wouldn't
have told me I woudln't have known. I loved our openness
and lack of fear in our sharing with each other about our
lives... That's Sexy! I loved your willingness to be
spontaneous to come pick me up and go have a chat. That
is sexy! You are good with conversation which is big for
me! It is damn sexy when a girl can have a "real"
conversation and have an actual opinion... I am looking
forward in seeing u again and anxiouis to see where this
goes. ;)"

In all honesty his message gave me chills....I responded
with as much honesty as I possibly could and I hope that
he too appreciates that:

"It was easy to kiss you. I am totally attracted to you
and a dayum good kisser you are. I don't know why I was
nervous. I guess cuz its been a while. I loved hearing
everything you had to say. Our past is what makes who we
are today. And its nice to have background. We live and
learn. There should never be any secrets in regards to the
past the more one knows the better. We go through good and
bad and in the end they are all memories, which allow us
to grow...thanks for s haring..it was great and also funny
that you made fun of me for being from EP and a Mexican..
lol you def have a great sense of humor and a to-die-for
smile. I too can't wait to see you again!"

That is what I wrote him and he's just too much fun!
Check it!:

"Lemme tell u...It gets much better than that! Kissing in
the car with thing in the middle was not easy! I agree
with you on our past lives... I never judge people on
their past and I appreciate when people don't judge
me...What's your email addy?"

Anyhow our texting went out for a while...he even send me
a super gorgous picture!... he's just too gorgeous... so
surreal... he doesn't look a year over 32 and he's 42!
He's a "been there done that type of guy" ...I hope I'm
right when I say he's done playing games. He was very
open with me and seemed comfortable and I appreciate
that. I mean I know people say you are not suppoes to
talk about your ex's with your dates, but I dont' mind at
all. I like to know what I'm getting myself into and this
is something I want in, although there are a few conflicts
but... I am hoping not bad ones.

oh oh I almost forgot... as i was driving home, I pulled
down on the visor for teh mirror and I noticed that I had
light marks on my neck! He left me marks! When I saw them
it made my skin curl because I remembered his lips all
over mine, his tounge down my throat and down my neck...
and it just makes me want to be with him again! BTW the
marks are VERY unnoticable, but still there! Oh gawd I
just hope my husband doesnt see them because even though
we are not together, he still talks shit. Which I have a
story about him too... hence the mixed emotions.

My husband and have been "separated" since September of
2008, he left me for one of his co-workers that was
pregnant with someone else's kid. He dropped it all for
this woman... his 11 year relationship with me... his 2
month old house that we had just purchased, he dropped it
all for this hoodrat. I couldn't wrap it around my head
as why he had gone the extra mile to buy a house and buy
me a car just 2 months before it all came down... but it
was true. I learned to accepted and.. I carried on with
my life in better ways... I started dating, I signed up to
finish college, I got weightloss surgery and I'm just
improving my life for the better since I got outta this
one. I decided to do a little bit of the club scene,
although I totally think I'm over it... it gets old
QUICK! I didnt do all these things when I was younger,
but I don't enjoy them as much as I thought I would. I
rather be home watching TV with a loved one, going out to
a movie, cooking, just you know...nothing. lol...
anyway...We have had sexual life, my husband and I even
with him being together with this slut, for lack of better
words, I know it is wrong, but I still care for him, how
can i not. We have not stopped, but we have stopped the
cuming inside me ... for a while... until last night! We
got it on and he finished inside me ... and now i'm
scared... I mean I care about him a lot but... I have
mixed feelings about having a child with him, although
with the birth of my nephew... I totally want one now.
So.. in a way I hope that I do become preganant but in
another way I don't. I have so much going on right now.
However, everything points to my husband staying with
me... I mean he we are in the process of refiniancing the
house for a 5 year low fixed rate, we are also in the
process of "remodling" again, last night we went to buy
windows and some other things for the house, it seems like
he's back in action with the house...I am so confused. I
wonder if he even loves me... I dunno.. like i said I'm so
confused, for now I am going to play this game called life
by ear.. and not let go of other opportunities I may have
with someone else. Lets see where this leads and when it
comes time to make firm decisions, I will make mine.


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