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2010-03-09 22:43:13 (UTC)


I am a 21 year old female who used to NEVER worry about a
thing. I never cared what my actions would bring, or how
bad the consequences would be. I simply cared about myself.
Not that was exactly a good thing, now I worry about every
little thing and I just cant stop it. My life has so much
going on right now. I never thought that at 21 years old I
would have already have been married 2 years and have a
baby on the way. Honestly, adulthood, scares the shit out
of me. Dont get me wrong I'm ready to be a mom and
everything. I just cant stop fighting with my husband, and
even though I know most of the time he is right, I make an
excuse why he is wrong. I have finally figured out that my
defense mechanism is crying. I cry to try to get out of
things. I know that sounds absolutely awful, but it is the
truth. I think I've been doing thing for a long time and
never realized it. I dont just worry about being an adult I
worry about everything. My husband thinks that I dont trust
him and its not that, its that I dont think that I am good
enough for him. I made the statement to him yesterday that
I am nothing "special". He has accomplished so much, he
belongs to the Army National Gaurd where he is an MP, he is
a civilian police officer, first responder, volunteer
firemen, and a bad ass drummer. I just dont understand how
someone as special as him could have done so much better
than me. Regardless Im just going to have to face the fact
he loves me anyway!!