disturbedandconfused

Disturbed and Confused
2010-03-09 05:28:36 (UTC)

Don't Care

As an adult, it's pretty hard to realize the truth about
my childhood. Seemingly insignificant things, that I never
gave much thought to... now disturbing. My mother putting
me in the bathtub in a rush, and not letting me out for
what seemed like hours...All those times, we were told to
say we hadn't seen daddy. Those times turned out to be my
mother's attempt to "protect" me from social workers, so
they couldn't ask me if my father molested me too. That
summer when it was so hot, but we had to endure it...
because my father wouldn't pay child support, even though
he made good money. I think back and realize that that was
my father's attempt to scare the shit out of my mother...
to get her to realize how much she needed him. To force
her to choose him over her children, one of which
molested. The absense of my oldest sister, only for her to
come back a few months later...with an apology to her
molester. Even though he did it. The sick fuck. Years
later...the nights that all of us kids would all go
outside because mom and dad were fighting again. Well, I
guess it was more like my mom begging for forgiveness for
whatever she was being accused of THAT time, and my father
beating the shit out of her. AND anyone else that got in
his way. The list goes on.... It's funny how easy it is
for people to forget those things... Just a half-hearted
apology and the promise to change. But people don't
change, not completely. You can't completely change a
psycho drug addict/child molester/wife beater and change
him into a good person. The basics never change. They
DON'T CARE about anyone but themselves. Think about it....
A normal person would realize the hurt, the incredible
pain, the internal damage that they caused... Thing is,
they would CARE. That's the problem... I care, despite
everything... I CARE. I just try not to care.




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