Overdosing on Delusions
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2010-03-05 04:41:19 (UTC)

Let me go...

Sometimes I just want it to end. I want to be done.
Finished. I often times have thoughts of suicide. There's
alot of internal pain that I feel, and sometimes it's just
too much to deal with. Yet, everyday I somehow find the
strength to just keep moving on. One day though, I know im
going to have those thoughts again, and feel that
pain...and that well of strength I dig from will be empty.
It's that day, when that finally happens, I want God to
just take me home. Let me have peace from this life.
I can't find love to save my life, when I think about
my future, I see nothing but a stagnant emptiness, My
friends keep leaving me, and my family is struggling to
stay together. Sometimes I just wonder why im still here.
Why does God keep me here?...what does He want me do that
I havn't done yet? Is there someone else? Why me?
Is it a lack of courage that keeps me from taking my
own life, or is it courage itself that makes me keep
pushing foward?
You know, It's kind of sad(or maybe funny or maybe
pathetic, I don't know), But I often imagine my life if
circumstances were different. If maybe I was taller, or
white, or came from a different background if I'd be
happier. Or would things just be the same anyway?.
I don't know...maybe the answers im looking for will
come to me someday in some moment of clarity...Until
then...I guess I'll just keep going back to that well.