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2010-02-22 21:44:52 (UTC)

defining moments

so.. i made up ma mind.. i decided to wait one more tym..
i had to do a SWOT analysis n everything.... this just
means for the nxt couple of days a gonna ave to be
strong... i knw i ave been through dis b4 but evrytym it
gets worse...

u see dis bill thiing started frm jan and since then the
first opportunity i had to pay i sed am testing god coz
being a christain thts wat it says in the bible.. but
nothing happened.. i stl owned..
the nxt tym i actualli thought it was a miracle coz wen i
called tmobile they sed it has been paid n i checked ma
account n everything.. told everyone n coz of tht wen i
got ma bonus i spent it on buying stuff for ppls.. then 10
days dwn the line tell me its a fuckin mistake it hasnt...
so then again i find maself in a situation tht i trusted
god and look..
then finali having to borrow lots of money i get almost
all of it.. pay the current bill and buy food for ppls coz
again in the bible it says be kind... now am in need and
am trustin god again.. coz sum part of me is nt ready to
give up.......
i could either hang on or go ave sex for the money which a
couple of ppls are willing to ave sex wit me for abt 300
quid which is more than enuff... and to bbe honest i was
ready to do so coz dis is just too much but...
lamentations 3.21-27 change ma mind.. decided to hold on a
bit longer and see wat happens.. everytym i fink of dis
problem i cry n start to shake coz i dnt understand y... i
mean i knw how i got here but if god is faithful n
forgives us our sins and loves us unconditionally and
doesnt hold sin against us which i knw.. then y hasnt he
come to ma rescuse.. am real tired of crying every nite..
wishin tht it was ova or i will wake up one day and booom
find da money to pay.................