Fire and Water
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2010-02-22 20:38:53 (UTC)

Such a pathetic coward/ To Do List

I am and have always been a pathetic coward. I won't go
down water slides, I stay in the shallow end of the wave
pool out of fear of drowning, Rollercoasters make me cry
(BOTH times I went on one I cried however the first one
was mostly cussing my friend out for making me ride it.)
Hell I couldn't even get on kitty rides like runaway
reptar or the monster all becouse they moved to fast or
went up to high! I've never even c;imed one of those fake
rock walls!!! How am I supposed to live like this?!!
~pulls out hair~ If its fast, high up, upside down, drops
(YES evenm elevators scare me!!!) looks frightening, has
even the tinest chance of cousing me harm ext ext ext I
won't have anything to do with it. I am amongst plenty
(including my mom) who blame my mother for this. As soon
as I was old enough to understand words she has pounded it
into my head "The World is a scary place" "There are sick
people in this world" "You have no Idea what could happen
to you" (some have been too explicit and tisted to allow
my gentle readers to hear so I shall split them into tiny
not-soo-creepy segments so you get the drift but I don't
scar you) "-crying mom help mom somone! But I won't be
able to" "-then killed and left in a dumpster" all this a
much mre has been repeditivly and I can not stress enough
how much she would repeat this crap this is not like some
teenager who's mom naggs them every now and then but they
complain that she does it "all the time" I'm serious I got
this lecture anywhere from four to eight times a week
EVERY freakin' week!!! Yikes! On top of that she was
constantly trying to diagnose me but she was only looking
for one outcome (which I'm not delving into remember
gentle rwaders) and no matter how many time I toldher that
that never happened that I would have told her if it did
she would continue asking! Anytime the subject of sex
would even be lightly brushed even jokingly she would
lounch into attack mode bommbarding me with quetions. Once
I cant remember what was said but she was in tht middle of
cleaning out the kitchen and was holding an uncooked
hotdog (yeah you see where this gos? ~facepalm~) anyway
she freaked out and held up the hot dog, pointed to it and
asked if I'd ever seen somthing that looked like that and
in my mind I said " Yeah! Bratworsts, hot dogs, weener
dogs, popsickles, pickles tons of thins! Do I need another
psycoligist?" but I said "I know what they look like but
you KNOW I havent seen one mom." thatwas so stupid and
annoying. It i all her fualt that I never got out thus
never developed social skills thus not getting a much
deserved teenagerhood thus making me the pathetic socially
inapt coward I am.

I was watching a show I like about hotels thinking
about how much I love hotels and how I hope I'll get
enough money to go to a fancy hotel somwhere out of
country somday. I looked out the window at the snowy
suburbs and for the first time in the lat few months I
felt like instead of my life ending even though I'm only
twenty it was just beginning. I realized that I needed to
get a job for more than just money reasons (I've been
looking for one but just due to financial reasons) but for
sanity reasons too. I'm going insane I never get out of
the house the few friends I have hardly talk to me anymore
(this includes my roommate) I need to leave the house.
Maybe with us both having a job we'll have enough extra
money to have the life we did when we first moved in?
anyway I have made a (dun dun dunnn!) TO DO LIST

1. make and comlete a daily chore list
2. get my G.E.D
3. get a J.O.B
4. clean my R.O.O.M
5. next chance I get climb one of those fake rock walls
6. get rid of a maority of the cats
7.start a ferrit fund
1. Get my G.E.D
- Find out where they are taken
- Find out when the next one is
- Do all nessesary steps to sighning up to take it
- devise and break down a compact study plan spanning
from the next day to the day before the test
- rent study materials from library
- take and pass G.E.D test.
2. Get a .O.B
- gather all information needed for an application.
- Fill out aplications for the spacific places you would
like to work.
~ Waffle House
~ Wal-Mart
~ Boarders
~ Barns & Noble
~ Petsmart
~ Starbucks
~ Pinnra Bread
~ Pier One Imports
- Do odd obs for extra cash wile waiting for calls
~ Shovel walks
~ walk pets
~ babysit
~ house sit
~ pet sit
~ clean
~ helping hand (various odd jobs)
3. get rid of a majority of those stray cats that live
with us.
- take Angie to a pet store and put her up for adoption
- hand preggers pooky off to the pet store for adoption
- Give wendy a week trial with teddy then a week trail to
toronto before making her choose
- give the one she didn't choose up for adoption

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