O.

Constant: continuing without pause
2010-02-22 08:01:29 (UTC)

Well ahead of the game again arent we?

So too much has happened.

Cute boy and I have been talking still. Went to his house
the other day, he lives literally 5 minutes WALKING
distance from me..I DIDNT KNOW :)

But heres a story for ya.
So this last week brians parents were out of town and he
had parties..everyday.
Feb 13th I went to one finally.
Ryann, Mandy and I went and mandy and I didnt want to drink
But ryann and our friend lauren made beer pong look so
fun..so we caved.
We never played but won twice in a row.
By the mid of the night we were DRUNK.
Long story short (note there was about 25 people there)
Some of us were just laying in brians front room, I was
laying next to chad, the guy I had a crush on wayyy back,
Out of no where we started making out but then he left to
get cigs.
Brian went into this closet of his and I of course wanted
to make out with him so being a stupid drunk I went in
there and we made out a bit, then mandy came in and brian
grabbed her. Chad had just got back too and decided to
invade, brian and mandy left.
Well EVEN longer story short..we had sex. IN THE CLOSET!
Half way through I thought WTF and made him stop. I was
too drunk to realize what was happening.
Ryann ended up having a one night stand and regretted it
completely too.
That night ended basically there.
The next night we made the dumb choice to go again.
It was fun, I mean both nights were until that line was
crossed.
This night I stayed the night and everything seemed chill
until some guys were causing problems and i was scared I
was going to get raped ha.. chad called me into the room
he was staying and I went only cause he was one of the
only people I knew. We started to make out again and then
mandy came in..She called me and I told her to come.
Now we both were SOOOO drunk (like up until 5 am we were
OUT OF IT) so chad took adavantage of that and started
fooling around with us both..we had sex AGAIN but I
stopped like 4 minutes in cause this was insane..bad
thing..he came inside of me.
both times we didnt use a condom.
I flipped out.
End of that night again.
I go to find out the next day he has legitament feelings
for me..I DONT FEEL THE SAME.
I even told him and we got into a somewhat arguement about
it.
Everything is fine now..but seriously I FEEL like I might
be pregnant. not like stomach pain..just that gut feeling.
Im so confused and thats why half of this is all messed up
cause I cant even think right now.
I havent told him anything nor ever will.
Mandy and I are so much closer than ryann and I now.

ahh I cant even think or talk.
sorry..ill go over this again later and post a better blog.
Im just messed up dude.
my morals feel like trash and so do i.


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