Aeryn Sun

Uncharted Territories
2010-02-17 15:45:39 (UTC)

The search goes on

I haven't written for awhile now, and have made my diary
private for even longer; my sister found my diary and I
didn't want her reading certain parts. But now I'm back.
Surprisingly I didn't miss writing, I guess b/c there wasn't
much to write about. But even if there's a lot going on in
my life I think I can go w/o writing about it. I'm at a
point in my life where I don't need to anymore.

So what's been going on in my life since my last entry?
Well, not much. I'm finally applying for jobs again, and I
wish I could say it's going great, but sadly its just as
depressing as before. I really didn't think that I'd go for
this long jobless. So far I applying for a job w/ the US
Post Office, UPS, and several w/ FedEx. Hopefully I get
something, soon. I really want to Post Office one; its a
programming job in Michigan. Like I said, I need a change of
scenery; I don't mind moving to a new state/city b/c I miss
being on my own. If that doesn't work out then hopefully
I'll get one of the customer service jobs w/ FedEx (which
are in Manhattan) and while I work there I'll take classes
to get certificates in IT that will make me more attractive
to prospective employers. I'm getting impatient and
beginning to think that I'll never find a job.

Also, I dropped the Peace Corps thing. Due to my limited
language skills, the only placement available to me was IT
in Africa. Africa was about one of the last places I wanted
to go, and after thinking things over I decided against it.
Sad, I don't think I'll ever apply again...there goes one
dream down the drain.

I haven't signed into facebook in over a month. So many of
my friends left me birthday wishes and I haven't even
responded back. I figure that once I've started my life up
again I'll get back in contact with them. Hopefully I don't
wait too long.

I'm still seeing council, things are still the same betw us
except that my mood swings might be taking a toll on the
relationship. Before my mood swings were caused by my not
working. But now I'm upset with him and he doesn't even know
why. I don't want to tell him b/c I don't think its going to
solve anything since we've had a similar discussion already.
Basically, over the weekend he mentioned doing something
together either on Monday and/or Tuesday. Then when I tried
to confirm things on Sunday night he was being very
non-committal about the whole thing, saying that he didn't
know how he would feel come the next day. We had a slight
snow storm on Monday night/Tuesday and he knew about the
weather conditions since over the weekend. Monday was about
the only time that we'd get to see each other this week b/c
I knew neither of us would want to venture out in the snow
(after my last experience, I no longer drive in snow unless
it's an absolute necessity). Then come Monday, he didn't
call until late in the evening, and that was just to chat.
I'm tired of making plans and having them fall through.
Maybe this isn't the right time for us to be dating since he
doesn't have a car. He has a very bad driving history so now
he's having a hard time getting car insurance at a
reasonable rate. What the hell did he expect getting a shit
load of speeding tickets and expired license? He only has
himself to blame for his current predicament. Hopefully he
learned his lesson and will drive more carefully when he
gets another car.

Speaking of which, I got pulled over by the cops for the
first time a couple weeks ago. I was driving through
Brownsville and wearing a red sweater (I mention this b/c
the area has a lot of gang related violence so maybe that
could have been an influence for me getting pulled over).
But anyway, I was stopped at a red light and this cop came
up to the van and asked me to pull over. I was so nervous
that I almost pressed the button to turn on the heat instead
on the one to wind down the window. He then explained that
he pulled me over b/c I was wearing my seat belt
incorrectly. I got off w/ a warning, not that they could
have given me a ticket anyway; the law is that you can get a
ticket for NOT wearing a seat belt, not for incorrectly
wearing one. I've always worn the belt like that b/c it
irritates my neck. I still occasionally wear the belt like
that b/c it's habit. I so don't want another ticket and I
don't want to ever be pulled over by the cops again, that
shit is scary.

I'm going to watch Farscape.




Ad: