The life of a scene kid
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2010-02-17 03:33:33 (UTC)


Feb,16,10 Tuesday, / 10:03PM

Ive started an online diary since writing in a real one
seems childish and I dont have the best hand wiritng nor
spelling. I havent written a entry in forever plus I feel
the need to get my feelings out no matter how stupid that
sounds. Lately Im obbesed with my wieght now and I see its
begun a promblem. I wiegh myself everyday, trying to
starve myself and if I do eat , I throw it all back out.
Im around 99 pounds and trying to go to 90. I know this is
dangerous and bad for me and that im prefectly skinny but
I see myself fat. Sounds redicoulous but thats how i see
myself. I wont go down to the level of anorexic but I feel
the need to slim down. Im grateful I have a nice body and
all, but I pick at myself too much. Im sectrely stealing
my mom's weight loss pills hoping she wont notice. Im
drinking loads of water hoping that fill me up. I over
exercise with volleyball and gym and also at home when I
time. Im slowly turning into a monster only at the young
age at 13 soon to be 14. Fingers crossed this dosent get
out of controll.

Volleyball practice was okay but Im sick of the coaches
picking on me and me only when there's other players who
need picking on. It makes me feel dumb and stupid like i
have no idea what the hell im doing. Also some of the
girls act like thier the coach and tell me what to do also
but only like three of them. Im hoping that I can go to
this weeks tournament and that Christina can take me
sinceim sick of missing out on all of them -_- well my
serves are awesome which is good and im happy with that :]

I keep thinking of Tyler its listerally slowly killing me
mentally and makeing me feel depressed. Its been about 3
months since what happend between us , both of our faults
and i know that. Today i tried to think of all the memorys
i have left of him. I notice that im slowing forgetting
things which i really dont want to happen. Im happy i
didnt delet that one picture of him. Hope no one see's it
on my phone or it will be hard to explain. I havent told
anyone about him ...yet I just dont know. One day ill tell
someone but now's not the time its impossilbal for anyone
to keep a secret these days i trust no one. Its been so
hard to move on which im not really doing. It hard to go
through this without a single soul knowing what happend
between us. I feel guilty that I cheated on Alex but hes a
douche and im happy we broke up. I dont know why but I
cant stand him anymore its so akward whenever i see him
its so hard to avoid him but im gald i dont have any
classes with him thank god. I HATE him. Every day i think
about Tyler its so hard not to I was used to texting him
24/7 now I hardly text as much. I only had him for my
amusment but now I have nothing. I now focus on
friends,shopping,makeup, and weight like every other girl
out there. I really wonder If ill ever hear from him

Anywho, I feel caought in the middle with my popular
friends and my dork friends. Its time for me to chose
sides. I know Ive been friends with my dork friends for so
long and it would be the right choice. But I know if I
chose my other group than they'll gossip about me forever.
I feel like im in the middle for everything and alone.
Exactly ive been feeling alone alot sorta depressing for
me. Today nothing really happend just another boring day
of school. Gym was fun in hockey but I bruised my knee
which is throbbing at the momment.
Im worried for Allison. Not to be rude or anything but
she's sorta a slut. She flirts with every guy and she
needs to move on about Braden. She keeeps thinking he
likes her. He's such a player his rolationships last for 3
weeks and thats it.He went through more than 20 girls this
year. If he really liked her (which he acts like it)
they'd would have been going out by now. Plus Allison
dosnt give a shit in the world about her education. She
jst dosent care. I can easily see her pregnat by 16 and
working at Taco bell. Oh well Ill be going to Jordan next
year and she'll stay at this crapy school idk why she
likes UNC so much she'll never get into that college with
that type of attiuide towards education.

Anyway I better go study for alebra test tomrow and do my
science -__-
and i better go throw up that cereal I had couple minutes
ago. Cant wait for tomorow whoppie fucking doo _

End : 10:27 pm