IAmTheArsonist

TwistedCrazziness
2010-02-16 14:30:43 (UTC)

emotionaly unstable

yea so everything waz going great new boyfriend and
everything but mom dnt kno bout him rite ok so i plan on
telling her but then she sees that i pierced my lip and im
grounded 4 a month and she takes my fone and she sees a
messege on there from devin saying that he mite b a dad ok
wow of course she would c the one thing that i am hiding
from her and she asks me about it and i say im not dating
him so im thinking to myself ill just tell her wen the
time is rite. so a couple days pass he comes over after
skl and stuff and we find out that most likely she aint
prego well now im grounded cant c him mom dnt kno im datng
him and there is no way i can c him *sadface* ok so
everything is going okay 4 now and me and devin r doing
good 4 the most part of not being able to c eachother, at
least we can talk on the fone and stuff. So this morning i
come to skl and im just talking to my friends about random
things and Demi comes over and taps me on the shoulder and
is like matt is coming home the 1st thing that pops n my
head is the vision of us being together wen he came home
*which wasnt supposed to b until september* so now im like
well that good shes like not so much he was talking to the
priest there at the navy and went n 2 graphic detail of
how he was miserable and how he misses every1 and he is
having suicide thoughts and he knows exactly how he wants
to do it and everything so they discharged him 4 being
emotionaly unstable and that pretty much his frame of mind
is outta wack!!! Demi says he is coming home sometime this
week and stuff and i cant take it i start just starring
still hearing the words come outta her mouth yet thinking
about so much at once like wat about Devin after
everything we've been thru i cant just drop him but i told
matt that i would wait 4 him and that we would b together
wen he came back. i would love with all my heart to b with
matt but i have no idea wat to do about devin or matt or
which i should choose ive been crying and i cant think
straight the only reason i can type this is cuz this is
all i can think about at the moment i had to write it down
b4 my mind goes blank cuz its overfilled with emotions i
dnt even kno wat to do this dosent seem real to me at all
i thought i had the world planned out 4 me 4 the next
couple of months but the world just dosent work out the
way u want it even if u try ur hardest i dnt even kno how
to handle this that y im n a amotional tail spin rite
now............i need to sleep or something. ppl c that im
sad and ask me wats wrong the ppl closest to me knows wats
going on so i can tell them but every time i talk about it
i just cry harder. i dnt wanna cry n skl they r just gonna
send me to a councler or something and i dnt want that and
dnt need that its just gonna make me think im doing
something wrong or that im crazy or something cuz nuthin
makes sence to me at all rite now and a councler aint
gonna help that plus i dnt want them all n my business
they dnt need to know who i like wat im doing n my spare
time or n e thing along those lines all of this is just
aweful and im trying to spend my time wrinting this
instead of staring blankly n 2 space thinking about this
and making myself even more upset. my fingers r just
flying over the keys cuz they know exactly wat im trying
to say yet i have said everything and wen i stop
everything is gonna b aweful again i really need my wife
*Stevie* to help me thru this i need her comfort she is my
best friend and idk wat i would do without her.........if
i dnt write 4 a couple days my mood is prolly awefull i
need some time alone skl isnt helping much i mite go to
the nurse it will give me some time to sleep instead of
being worried but idk if i could even sleep at this point.
so thats all 4 now
3 IAmTheArsonist




Ad: